Rick's Musings - From the Spirtual to the Mundane

An Open Letter to my Friends and Family

2010-08-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

Good Day,

Over the last couple of days I have tried to come up with a way to address some things that have been bothering me. How do I communicate to everyone without alienating anyone? How do I express my opinions and perceptions to everyone without putting people and their opinions into one universal bucket? After pondering these questions I decided the best thing to do would be to post this note to Facebook and my BLOG.

What's been on my mind lately, well if you have been following my posts and the various articles I have passed on you know. Although I am a gay man (I know shocker) it doesn't define the type of person I am, nor does it really describe who I am. It's a term that I (and others) use because 1. I am attracted to someone of the same gender and more importantly 2. I met, fell in love with and have spent (and will spend) my life with another man. I am also Jewish. I am a recovering alcoholic who will celebrate 20 years of sobriety in October. I am a hard worker. I am a Son, a Brother and an Uncle. I love fiercely and am passionate about a great many things. I love to read. I am the best friend you will ever have. I will defend your right to be who you are with my heart and soul. I will stick up for you and get mad with you when something or someone does you wrong. These are just some of the things that make me who I am. Those of you closest to me know these things about me, and have experienced most of them.

A great many of you know Jeffrey. 18 years ago we met. 16 years ago we decided that it was time to take the next step. In another time, or another place we would have been engaged and then married. Unfortunately this wasn't something that we were allowed to do. So, we did what we could. We moved in together. We registered Domestic Partners with the City of West Hollywood and then the state of California. Like most of you when you got married we put our lives together and never looked back. The last 18 years have been the best of my life and I look forward to what the future holds for us together. We laugh, we cry (well, I do mostly) and we share in each other's successes and failures. Like everyone else that has been in a committed long term relationship, we come first for each other.

That's why I'm posting this letter. Some people out there (maybe even some of you here who call me friend) think that it's not OK to "redefine" marriage. To those people I ask: how are we redefining marriage? Isn't marriage about two people committing their lives to one another? Isn't marriage about two people stating that NO MATTER WHAT you are the person I want for the rest of my life? That's what marriage means to me. Some people think it means something else. Some people think it means that marriage is about procreation. Would you deny your grandparent or parent the right to marry after their husband or wife died and they found someone special to spend their remaining days with? What about those of you who have been divorced and are now remarried? Did you have more children with that person, and if not why marry you aren't procreating? Even if you did, what about the children you may have had with that previous spouse? I don't judge, I just ask you to take a look at where you are and how my life or my relationship has impacted yours. Can you find somewhere that my relationship has caused you harm? Many people have told me that we are an example of what they want (whether we like it or not...) :)

When you talk about Conservative vs. Liberal are you so busy listening to Fox News, or MSNBC that you don't look at the facts? Are you blinded by the Glenn Beck's or Keith Olberman's of the world? Do you only look at one side of an issue? Do you really believe that this issue was decided by an activist judge, one who is on record as being a conservative judge? Have you lost sight of the three branches of government? Do you think that I chose this lifestyle: that I decided one day that I would be attracted to men, so I could be persecuted, hated and threatened? Would you choose this? Did you make a conscious decision one day of what gender you were attracted to?

This isn't about religion. This isn't about redefining anything. This is about civil rights. This is about equal protection. Why should I be denied what you have and what some people take for granted? Why don't I have the choice to marry the person that I love? You know me. You know who I am. Some of you know where I came from and have experienced me at different points in my life. Do you think that I should have the same rights and benefits as you, or at least the choice? This isn't about politics. This is about my right as a Citizen of the United States to marry the person I love.

Finally I want to address the issue around Target and Best Buy. Some of you have decided that it's OK to support Target. You are entitled to your opinions and views. I would like you to understand my point of view. I would hope that you will read this and understand that this isn't about politics for me. This is about the simple fact that Target took money from their employees (albeit willingly) and donated it to a candidate. This candidate, regardless of his affiliation (he just happens to be Republican) donates money to a group of musicians who feel it's OK to advocate for the killing of gays and lesbians (is this what your God tells you is OK? Theirs apparently does). This candidate feels that it's OK to enshrine discrimination in the US Constitution. This isn't about conservative or liberal. This is about hate. There is a very real separation of Church and State in this country. That candidate has every right to believe what he does, just as you have every right to support him. All I ask is that you think about why you support him, and if you believe that all of his other views outweigh the right he thinks he has to discriminate against me. How would you feel if he decided that it was OK to outlaw religion in this country? Religion is a choice; you weren't born with a belief, were you? You were raised, or came to your beliefs through other means. What if this candidate felt it OK to donate money to the KKK or a white supremacy group? What if Target donated to Nancy Pelosi or Barbara Boxer, two people Conservatives call Ultra Super Liberal? Would you then feel like you do?

With all of the struggles and heartache we are going through as a country today is it really necessary to spend the millions of dollars on getting elected? Why not give back? Why not give to your community?

In closing dear friends let me say again that you, like me are entitled to your opinion. Think about the fact that some of your decisions affect me in a very real way. They affect the people I love, and in turn affect you.

After 18 years with the same person in a committed relationship why shouldn't I have the right to marry? Why shouldn't I have the right to the same protections? In a time of hate mongering and disingenuous rhetoric let's remember that we are one nation. There is room for all of us here. If we want fiscal and social responsibilities look for those that provide that. Don't listen to what Fox News or MSNBC or CNN tell you. Don't listen to the ads on TV. Do your research. Look at the whole picture. Think about the fact that I don't have what you do (at least some of you).

My Letter to Target CEO

2010-08-02T11:27:00.001-07:00

Over the last week Target has been in the news, because the Target Corporation contributed $150,000 to Minnesota Forward, a political action committee that supports Minnesota Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer, an opponent of gay marriage and equal protection for all LGBT people. Your CEO came out and stated that this contribution was made because this candidate stood for creating new jobs. If that is what he believes, than he can donate this money out of his own pocket.

I fully understand Target's policies and support of the LGBT community, but when you get in the middle of politics and donate corporate money to a candidate your internal company policies become irrelevant. Your CEO's statement that this was about job creation sounds good on the surface, but look at where this money will go. Instead of taking this money and funneling it into a campaign that will spend it on TV adds, why not invest in the community around you? That $150,000 that will now go to the TV stations and into Advertising could have gone back to the community you want to help. How many small businesses could have used this money ? How many job’s could this have created, had it not gone to a Political Action Committee?

I can say that until something is done to change this policy I will stop shopping at Target stores. It's unfortunate, as your corporation does so much, but I can't allow my money to end up in the hands of politicians that spew hate and discrimination. I hope that this reaches someone who can do something about this issue.

Regards,
Rick M. Seymour

Another year down…

2009-12-31T19:15:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me to live each day as if it were my last. This is something that I should probably remember more often. This year has been one of tremendous ups and downs. This year was about change and growth. I turned 40 this year, and realized that it was just a number. Age is a state of mind and regardless of the number I feel good, and am grateful to have made it this far. I know that I have said this in the past, but every year is a gift. I never thought I would live to see 30, so the past ten years have been that gift that keeps on giving. I don’t know why I thought that, but it’s something that never occurred to me.

We experienced more loss this year with the passing of Jeffrey’s Grandmother. She meant so much to Jeffrey and the entire family. She and Jeffrey always had such amazing conversations (I can’t tell you the number of times he would get home at 2 in the morning having spent the entire day and evening in wonderful conversations). This was followed by a great deal of work around her home. The positive side to this (if there is one) is that we got to spend some great time with Jeffrey’s folks and siblings. They are amazing and I am blessed to have such wonderful in-laws.

In March I had surgery and for the first time in my life I was able to breathe out of my nose. No more snorting (the snoring is still there, but that will go…) no more gasping for breath and the amazing ability to breath as others breath. The first time this hit me was that first day back to lifting weights. I took a deep breath in through my nose and it was amazing.

Just after my surgery I was moved into a new position with a new manager. At the same time we ran through a major conversion (as a part of the CW to BAC transition) that was a huge success. As a result of this major project I made some wonderful friends and accomplished something major. My new job proved to be a greater challenge then I anticipated. I lost my two employees (they moved up and into new positions) and had to now support the team that I was a part of… It is still a challenge to this day, but I know that I will continue to grow and gain more knowledge and experience as a result of these challenges.

Over Labor Day weekend I met up with the family in Las Vegas to unveil my Grandmothers tomb stone (Jewish tradition). It was wonderful to spend time with my Brother and parents and enjoyed seeing the cousins again. Another plus was the ability to meet up with Jeffrey’s Sister and her husband for breakfast. Everyone is so scattered that we don’t see each other enough. I hope this coming year will rectify that one… It was a wonderful celebration of my Grandmother and I realized that I miss her often. I am blessed to have had the almost 40 years I had with her.

Immediately following my return Jeffrey went in for Kidney surgery. This was probably one of the most stressful and terrifying times in my life. If you have ever had a spouse or partner go through something this major then you know what I mean. I am forever grateful for our wonderful friend Mika who stayed with me and made sure that I was OK. She hugged me when I cried tears of joy that he was OK, and just was there for both of us. We are lucky in our lives to have added the entire McDonald clan to our family. They are amazing, loving people who we are forever grateful for. God gives you your parents and siblings, but you get to pick the people that extend that family. We could not have asked for more amazing family then the McDonalds (that includes the Gustafson’s too)… 

Needless to say Jeffrey pulled out of it well and I made it through a couple more major work transition initiatives (there are more in 2010). In November we celebrated my Best Friend’s wedding. It was a wonderful weekend and I don’t know the words to express the joy I felt that I was privileged enough to stand up there with her, as she married the man of her dreams (and sometimes nightmares… ) These are two people that love each other unconditionally and I only wish that everyone could find that person that loves them even in the craziness. Jeffrey and I celebrated our seventeenth anniversary the following weekend. It’s difficult to express the gratitude, love and amazement that I found someone to share my life with. So many people look for that person, and 17+ years ago he appeared in my life, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. We laugh everyday, and we hold each other when we are sad, or just had a rough day. I continue to look forward to the years ahead with this amazing man. After our anniversary it was off to Palm Springs for Thanksgiving. What an amazing time we had. Again we spent this holiday with the McDonald’s and love them all so much.

As the year comes to a close we had a couple of other things happen. Jeffrey celebrated another Birthday. I surprised him this year with a party. He had friends from High School all the way to our wonderful new yoga friends. Oh yeah, we discovered Yoga this past March thanks to our friends Robb and David. They came into town for a short visit and connected us to an amazing and wonderful couple Anna and Heather. Anna is a wonderful Yoga instructor and we look forward to our Monday night classes with her, as well as our ever growing friendship. For Christmas this year we purchased a new car (this one is the most exciting), and Jeffrey went through one more surgery. He just came out of it this afternoon and is home resting. He is amazing with this stuff. With 2010 fast approaching there are so many things to be grateful for.

This year involved a great deal of closure, many lessons and lots of growth. This year saw us saying goodbye to loved ones, and hello to new friends. We reconnected with people and watched as our circle grew.

I look forward to 2010 and know that it will be another year of growth and change. It will take us to Arizona and beyond. As we continue down this path and trudging this road to happy destiny I remember the mistakes of this past year, but only to learn from them. I remember the pain, but mostly I remember the love of my family and friends. I remember the continued reconnection of the people from my past, and sit here in awe of their accomplishments. I relish in the joy that everyone brings into my life, whether we see each other often, or haven’t seen each other in years. We are connected one way or another.

Remember everyday to try to be kind to God’s children, for through our kindness maybe we will find peace.

A new year, a new decade and new opportunities

2009-01-23T17:16:00.000-08:00

Now that we are almost one month into the new year, eleven days into my Forties and three days under a new leader I thought I had enough to BLOG about. The past year had it's up and it's downs. My Grandfather used to say that life was like a heart monitor if it's flat you are dead. Jeffrey and I took our first vacation in five years in April. We spent a few days with our wonderful friends Robb and David in Washington D.C. We had an amazing time, saw the sites and spent a good deal of time just hanging out with them. We took the train to New York and saw three fantastic shows. It was a great time. As of July 1 my company was purchased by Bank of America and since then I have been working on my regular stuff, but am running a couple of transition projects to ensure that my business doesn't stop as a result of the transition to the new company. I still don't know what job I will have when all is said and done, but believe that I will land somewhere!

In October, while attending the High Level Design session on my projects my Grandmother was struck ill and passed away within two days. It was sudden and a tragic loss to me and my family. She was a vibrant woman full of life. We found after her passing that she belonged to three gyms. The big muscle guys at Gold's knew her and were said when they learned she had died. The funeral was amazing, and now we are learning about life without this wonderful woman.

This last year I discovered while visiting with my Brother and his family that Myspace wasn't where it was at, but it was Facebook. As a result I have reconnected with people I haven't seen or spoken to since High School. I realized over the last few weeks that the various stages of my life have collided. After High School I became more active in DeMolay. So active, that I was elected League President. The problem was that during my short time as League President I came out and started drinking. Rather then facing these people, who showed nothing by love and friendship I ran away. A couple of years later I got sober and found a whole new group of friends. These people changed my life, and I like to think that it was the foundation I laid with them (along with my daily prayer and meditation) has kept me sober for more then 18 years. I also met Jeffrey after my second year of sobriety, and we celebrated our sixteenth anniversary last November. He deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long! :)

I have learned over the last ten years to just be myself. What you see is what you get. I don't hide who I am and am open to all (sometimes to my determent). I have amazing people in my life today and am so grateful for all of these gifts. Now through the wonders of modern technology I have reconnected with so many people who new me at different parts of my life. People who I thought about often, but didn't know how to find. It shows me what Jeffrey always said, just because you don't see or speak to someone doesn't mean that you aren't close, or can't reconnect. He's a wise man.

As we go forward into 2009 I continue to be amazed at the lives that my long time friends have built for themselves. I am grateful for the amazing people I have in my life, and cherish them everyday. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn. Most importantly I am grateful for the amazing man I found to spend my life with. I am truly blessed.

A letter from my friend Steve to his Parents and the Mormon Church

2008-12-09T18:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Father, Mother and the Elders of my former Church,

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined a coalition which has not just supported, but actually filed a brief with the California Supreme Court defending the established definition of marriage as the union between a man and a woman. *(Source:1). First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sent a letter to Church leaders in California to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008: In the letter the Church states its intention to participate with the coalition to see that California Proposition 8 passes. They fail to mention the church is not just supporting but part of the coalition and that the legislation they are supporting was drafted and submitted by the coalition. The letter then directs Local Church leaders to provide political propaganda and how to get the Church members involved in passing their legislation. “We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.” *(Souce:5)

I do not mind if the Church does not wish to condone Gay’s within their organization although I am astonished that they would participate in suppressing other groups and religions the right and dignity of marriage. It is a sad day when “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” violates their own teachings and joins with other organizations to initiate legislation that promotes intolerance, separatism, bigotry and the oppression of one group over another. As a Baptized Mormon I am a little uncomfortable telling you that I am ashamed of the Mormon Church and that its members including my extended family; would participate in and condone this type of behavior as acceptable.

Elder Wickman and others from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in conjunction with the Church’s Public Affairs staff have confirmed the Church’s stand by filing a brief to the California Supreme Court as well as their Coalition to defeat bills and other propositions that were in support of Gay Marriage. “ELDER WICKMAN: One way to think of marriage is as a bundle of rights associated with what it means for two people to be married. What the First Presidency has done is express its support of marriage and for that bundle of rights belonging to a man and a woman. “ *(Source:2) They even comment as to their role and intent on formally changing the Constitution of the United States… clearly defining this a Political Concern.
It should be noted that there are mainstream churches that do marry gay men and the actions being taken by the Mormon Church and others will tread upon those religion’s beliefs and its rights under the law. This is a direct violation of the churches foundational rules and principles set forth on August 17, 1835 within section 134 paragraph 9 of ‘The Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints’. “We do not believe it just to amingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.” *(Source:3).

“
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” is out to protect their future image by sowing the seeds of intolerance and bigotry into our laws thus stifling tolerance within the United States. Elder David A. Bednar a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expresses one of the reasons the church is getting involved is a fear of future public opinions should Gays be granted civil rights. Specifically he references fear of fines or sanctions against the church should some future action be brought against the church should its views on Gays fail to remain popular with society. *(Source:4). You could say the church learned their lesson when African Americans gained civil liberties. The only difference between now and when the church would not accept African Americans; is that the church is out to change laws to reinforce today’s bigotry so they will not have to live through a time when society once again may become more tolerant than the church itself. Can you imagine the difficulty in converting new members including those in non Caucasian countries when society knew the church was racist and actively discriminating and not allowing African Americans to hold the priesthood? Now the Mormon Church is telling members that it’s ok to encourage the Government to with-hold marriage from Gays, because some states created a compromise called a ‘Civil Union’ which has the same rights as being married without letting them marry. Tell me how that is any different than when the government told Blacks they cannot drink from the White drinking fountain, that there was an equal but separate drinking fountain for them. Similar but separate laws for any specific group over another only serve to rob our fellow brothers and citizens of dignity and respect. At the cost of reinforcing bigoted, discriminatory, intolerant and separatist feelings within our society.

The psychological influence a religious organization / church has over its members is quite significant. Statements by the Church are often acted upon by its members as though God himself commanded it. I do not know about you but I refuse to believe that bigotry and intolerance is a trait God would practice or wish to be made into Law. These laws are flat out discriminatory. Making it unlawful for another church to marry two men. The audacity and self-righteousness of it. Any organization that perpetuates self supremacy and the superiority of their thoughts and beliefs at the expense of another’s, are no better than the Nazi’s were prior to the rise of Hitler. Do you think Germans had this deep unsatisfied desire to commit genocide and kill all the Gay and Jewish people they could possibly shove into ovens? Of course not. They were merely raised within a self-righteous society that promoted suppressing other groups and religions, a society where separatism and bigotry was considered righteous and just. Intolerance paves the way for people like Hitler to justify radical supremacist ideals by capitalizing on the intolerance while promoting hate and bigotry towards that group as a means to overcome anything and everything wrong with the world.

I was raised Christian and taught love and respect for others. I find these actions to be specifically un-Christian and damaging to God’s name and works. Actions like these are those that cause people to lose faith. I feel in these actions by the Mormon Church reinforce a thought process and behavior that represents the worst of mankind. Something I thought was on the verge of becoming an historical reference as something overcome during the spiritual growth of mankind.
I do not mind if you are Mormon. I do not mind if the Mormon Church does not wish to allow Gays to hold the priesthood, nor to join their family in heaven. Although I do not want there to be any confusion in the fact that your tithing is profiting a church that supports intolerant and separatist coalitions which are determined to prevent civil liberties for those who are unlike them. I am hurt to admit I find this to be a hateful act on behalf of my families loved and trusted religion “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”.

Sincerely,

Steve Kelly

Resources:
*Source:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/church-joins-other-faith-groups-in-defense-of-traditional-marriage
*Source:2 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/same-gender-attraction)
*Source:3 (http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/134)
*Source:4 (http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/media/mediaplayer.swf?media=http://broadcast.lds.org/newsroom/video/flv/bednar_edit02_150k.flv&type=FLV)
*Source:5 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/california-and-same-sex-marriage).
Notes:
1.) Anti-Gay Civil Liberties Coalition Members: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined with the California Catholic Conference, the National Association of Evangelicals, and the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of American” *(source:1)
2.) Additional Un-sited Information regarding the LDS church and Same Sex Marriage, including Proposition 8. Reference:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/same-sex-marriage-and-proposition-8).

Inspirational

2008-11-08T08:20:00.001-08:00

This is really moving.

Talking to Christians

2008-10-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

I loved this article. This Yogi and Evangelical formed a great friendship and this article a brief excerpt from there friendship...

http://hottopics.gay.com/2008/10/talking-to-chri.html

2008-09-28T08:09:00.001-07:00

This is another brilliant sketch. Amy Poehler doesn't really look like Katie Couric, but wow spot on!!

French Toast...

2008-07-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

Several years ago Jeffrey met this couple while working in Taipei for Disney. From his email, and after he returned I heard about the show, but what I heard most was Robb and David this, and David and Robb and that... These two people enjoyed the things that Jeffrey enjoyed and not only were they roommates, but they had a great many adventures together. It wasn't until three years later that I met David. You see Robb went on adventure, and the few times I was in New York Robb wasn't around. Then Robb decided it was time to head home. We picked him up from the airport the day he arrived back, and I finally met Robb. He was tired, rundown, and I think all he wanted to was rest. Anyway, that's how I came to know Robb and David. You are probably asking yourself, "What does this have to do with french toast?" Well, It was a couple of years later that Robb taught me the right way to eat french toast. Not that there is a wrong way to eat french toast (well maybe if you put anchovies on it, GROSS!!), but Robb taught me his family's method.

We were all at my house one weekend and David offered to make french toast. Robb said that would be great as long as we had peanut butter. I questioned this, as I had never heard such a thing. You see, Robb eats his french toast with peanut butter and syrup. I thought this was odd, but I like peanut butter, and I like syrup, so I tried it. For those that know me you know that I don't try things easily, but this was something I could wrap my head around. Well, let me just say that I found a new, exceptional way to eat french toast.

Why am I writing about this, you may ask? Well, we had some stale french bread in the house, and I decided to make french toast. After our trip to Washington DC (where I rediscovered the "correct" way to eat french toast) I thought, "I have peanut butter and syrup, so let's make it right."

Anyway, thanks to Robb I know the best way to eat french toast. Hey, you now know too! Thanks Robb!

Thank You for the Inspiration...

2008-06-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

My very dear friend Robb (one of the only BLOGs I read regularly) inspired me to change the colors. It's been really, really, really hot here lately, and I thought that Blue would be a calming, cool color. Did I mention it's been HOT! I don't do well in the heat. I think that Jeffrey is probably sick of hearing me complain, so I will do it here. Live with it people, I don't like the heat. I would prefer 80 during the day and 50 at night. Those are perfect conditions.

On another random topic. My friend Alyssa (who I work out with twice a week) is getting married today. She and Teri have known each other for 28 years. I am really excited that she and Teri get to do this today, and her minister gets to sign the marriage license. They have an 8 year old daughter who apparently is calling all the shots. Check out their BLOG (to the left, Alyssa and Teri).

That's all I have today, but I am in the midst of writing something more substantial, I just don't like where it is at this point. Stay Tuned!

Marriage, My Point of View Disclaimer

2008-05-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post a special BLOG to let everyone know that the views expressed in my last BLOG (Marriage, My point of view) are my opinions, and only mine. Any reference to my relationship, or anything you may have read below came from me, and do not express Jeffrey's opinions. Although he may or may not share my views below they are mine, and weren't discussed with him prior to the post.

Marriage, My Point of View

2008-05-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

As I read the News, the BLOGS and the articles around the California Supreme Court decision I can only wonder, "What does it really mean." Yes, it means that I can now get married and enjoy the same rights and protections that opposite sex couples can enjoy. Yes, it means that I now have equal protection under the law. What it also means is that I have to fight the people that have some moral objection. I have to fight these people that want to write discrimination into the constitution. These people who spew hate and discrimination, while hiding behind their bible and their religion.

One of the things that bothers me is that in two separate legislative sessions in California they approved a bill allowing same sex marriage. Both times the Governor vetoed this bill based on the people in California's vote to define marriage between a man and a woman (this is the law that the Supreme Court overturned). My (straight) friend Jeremy made a comment that resonated with me, "if the voters of California voted that slavery was OK, does that mean that it's OK?" I will now be faced with the ballot initiative to change the Constitution. To add discrimination into the constitution for this great state. Just because 26 other states have done this doesn't make it right, and the state of California doesn't need to follow suit. Doesn't the bible teach to love thy neighbor as you would love yourself? Doesn't God tell us to "Judge not, lest ye be judged."? He doesn't mean to pick and choose your judgment, he means if you judge someone, then you will be judged by him (God).

I read on one of the religious websites backing this amendment that allowing me to marry the person that I love will open the door to two men and one woman, a man and his cow and I could go on. This is ridiculous. I am not asking to marry three men, an animal or any combination. I are two consenting adults who love each other and want the same rights and protections afforded to everyone else in this Country. Just because you may not understand the love that I share, accept the fact that I love. Accept the fact that I have been in a committed monogamous relationship for more then fifteen years. What I don't understand is that the people that spout the sanctity of marriage are the ones that are on wife number 3 or 4. These are the ones that have mistresses and sometimes even another man on the side (Google Ted Haggard). These are the things that the bible refers to, these are the things that destroy the sanctity of marriage. I can name several same sex couples that have been together a lot longer then some of the opposite sex couples, and vice versa. The point is that I am no different. I have the same love and the same fears. I just happen to be two men, or two women.

I applaud the California Supreme Court for seeing that it's my right under equal protection of the law to marry, and enjoy the benefits and protections that affords. I now take my views to you, my friends, my family. People I have known all of my life or just a short time, so that you can understand that my relationship doesn't harm anyone (I know that you know this, but it's worth stating here). The simple fact is that I fell in love with someone who happens to be of the same sex is inconsequential. I don't harm people because of my relationship, in fact I like to believe that I have made a positive difference in the lives of those I come in contact with. I enjoy quiet evenings at home, spending time with friends and family. I hike, I go to the beach and I travel. All I want now is to get married and continue to enjoy the life I have built together. All I want is to share the love that I have with the people I love. This isn't about my bedroom. This isn't about how I choose to live. This is about removing discrimination, not adding it to the constitution.

If and when the time comes and you live in or know someone that lives in California tell them to vote NO. Tell them that it's time for the State of California to show the rest of the Country that I don't hate. That I won’t give in to discrimination. If I can all show the people in our lives that what I and so many others have should be celebrated.

Thanks for being a part of my life past or present. In one way or another you have touched my life, and I hope that you can share this with those in your life who may not know anyone that is gay or lesbian.

2008-05-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to my two wonderful friends Robb and David.

New York, New York, it's a hell of a town...

2008-04-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

When last I wrote we had left D.C. and our wonderful friends behind for the bright lights of Broadway, Times Square and the great city of Manhattan. We arrived Tuesday afternoon after an uneventful, yet nice train ride. We took a short cab ride to our Hotel, The Milford Plaza. We went to check in, and were told that our room wouldn't be ready until 3:00. With an hour to kill we decided to take a walk around Times Square and find some lunch. After having a super lunch we headed back over to the Hotel to get our room key and get settled before our first show. At this point it was about 3:30. The woman told us our room still wasn't ready and could we return after 4:00. This was getting ridiculous. We got the 3:00 thing, as that's normal check in time, but now we were told after 4. We decided to wait it out in the lobby. At about 10 minutes after 4 Jeff went to check on the room. It still wasn't ready. Jeff started to say something about the delay when the manager walked up and told the woman to provide an upgrade. We got to the room only to find that they had just given us another room of the same type that we reserved. What a ploy. This is not a place I would recommend staying. The shower wouldn't maintain any hot water, the room was musty and old and the overall hotel is under construction and the people aren't very friendly. Anyway back to the important parts...

Once we got settled we showered and headed to our first show. This one was a surprise for me. If you remember in my last post I mentioned that I heard Robb say something about Laura Linney? While, I now know why he said her name. Jeffrey took me to see the preview of Les Liaisons Dangereuses starring Laura Linney.

As the show is still in previews it isn't perfect. Although the female cast was spot on. I have never seen any iteration of this show, so it was all new to me. Linney was phenomenal. I have always loved her and really enjoyed seeing her in the role of La Marquise de Merteuil. It's hard to describe this character without ruining the plot, but she was spot on. The male cast had a lot of work to do. The lead, Ben Daniels (Le Vicomte de Valmont) was really great until the second act. The fight scene was laughable, and not done well at all. I only hope that they continue to work on this and other areas. In one month this show should be flawless.

After the show we went back to the hotel and spent a great deal of time discussing the show. Jeffrey being a very skilled actor had much better points then I did, as I am easily entertained and don't look as deeply as he does. We woke up the next morning, had some breakfast and got dressed for our first of two shows. After picking up the tickets for the Matinee of November, starring Nathan Lane and Laurie Metcalf we grabbed a slice of New York Pizza. We then proceeded to the theater to see David Mamet's new play. I don't believe that I have laughed so much, or enjoyed theater like this in a long time. If you get the chance to visit NYC this is definitely a play I would recommend. Nathan Lane plays a fictitious (although the character resembles my interpretation of GW) President. Laurie Metcalf is his Lesbian chief speech writer who has just returned from China after adopting a little girl with her partner Daisy. The show just goes from there onward. It is hilarious!!

After the play we headed back to our hotel to rest a bit before dinner and our evening show.

We had a wonderful dinner and headed over to the Shubert for Spamalot. Clay Aiken (from American Idol fame) is currently playing Sir Robin, and I have to say that I was prepared to hate his performance. I assume that because I had such low expectations that was the reason I really enjoyed his performance. This is Monty Python at its best. It is hysterical with great bits and overall great performances. We know the music, as it's something we own and have listened to a few times. Seeing the production was just extremely fun. It was kind of funny to see the people that come back again and again. As we were trying to exit the theater the woman sitting next to me asked if this was our first time seeing the show. I told her it was and she went on and on about how many times she had seen it, how she brought her daughter the previous Saturday for her sixteenth birthday, and purchased a picture with Clay Aiken. It's that time of year where Broadway Cares, Equity Fights AIDS collects money at each performance. Clay was offering signed Polaroids for $250.00 each to raise money. I have to assume that Spamalot is raising the most money based on the number of people purchasing these pictures. We were not included. Anyway after escaping the lady we headed over to Sardi's for dessert. We had a nice dessert, a good cup of coffee, and some New York Theater history. All in all a fantastic day and evening.

We woke up late the next morning and showered and packed getting ready to check out of the hotel. Once checked out and our bags stored we headed over to Central Park for a little Geocaching. We found a couple of fun geocaches, took a couple of travel bugs and headed back to Times Square for one final cache before we got a cab to the airport.

All in all we had a fantastic vacation (to see a couple of pics check out Robb's BLOG here), and are glad to be home. We spent all day yesterday resting (I slept most of the day) and are refreshed and ready to start the weekend. It's back to work Monday, which is a good thing. New boss (again), and new challenges ahead of me.

Washington D.C. - The first part of our vacation...

2008-04-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

As my vacation comes to a close I thought it best to break up the two parts of my trip. There is so much to tell, and each part was so different this was the only logical choice.

The day before we left was spent running around ensuring we had everything we needed. This was also spent with me dealing with the departure of yet another manager. This was a personal choice, not a layoff. This also means that when I return from vacation on Monday I will have a new manager. This will be number 5 over the course of one and a half years. Oh well, you never know what change will bring. Now, on to our trip.

We arrived in D.C. to much fanfare. OK, it was Robb and David greeting us with the camera, taking short video and many pictures. What an amazing way to arrive in D.C. Jeffrey met Robb and David 10 years ago in Taipei. We have spent a lot of time with them over the years, and couldn't wait to arrive. We went back to their beautiful townhouse just outside of the capital. After unloading our luggage we sat around for about an hour and talked. We then attempted to go to sleep to adjust to the time change. We woke up the next morning, having slept in a little. We wanted to give them an opportunity to watch Survivor. We didn't want Robb's BLOG readers to have to wait for his Survivor BLOG. OK, that's not really the reason, but it sounds nice... :)

We spent the day walking around the mall. We went to a couple museums and mostly just caught up and talked. We stopped and got some lemonade and sat on the lawn and talked some more. We had a nice dinner at a local restaurant in their area and just hung out. The next day David was our host, as Robb was taking a class at the hospital. Something to with death or dieing (Robb is a Nurse). We went back to the mall, as I was really trying to get into the Capitol. We went to the Library of Congress and stood in awe of the glorious building. We took pictures (where allowed), and were able to review Thomas Jefferson's first draft of the constitution. What an amazing piece of history. I discovered at this point that I had acquired two rather large blisters on the balls of both my feet. UGH! We did start the day in Dupont Circle looking for a couple of Geocache's. We had planned on spending Sunday geocaching, but we didn't think the weather would cooperate (we were correct). After the trip to the mall we headed back to the house for a quick nap and then out to some really fantastic pizza.

On Sunday we split up. David and I went to the Holocaust Museum, and Robb and Jeffrey played in the rain. My Mom is a member to the museum and provided me with two tickets. This was great, as we didn't have to wait in line, nor did we have to wait for a specific time. I know a great deal about the holocaust, but this exhibit really brings it all into perspective. The horrors brought about are things that we have all seen on TV or in the movies, but seeing these things in real life just drives it all home. Hearing the propaganda, and hatred reminds me the power of one man. At one point this woman behind me asked why would he put pink triangles on homosexuals, it just didn't make sense. I almost said something to her, but decided that this was my time to explore and experience. I only hope that as she progressed through the exhibit that she learned the answer to her question. It's a very emotional experience and I recommend visiting the museum should you be in D.C. The final stop in the exhibit is the Hall of Remembrance. This is where I teared up. All the lives lost to such horrors. All the lives impacted by this, those that survived the camps, and those that lost their entire family. It's something we must never forget.

We left the mall after that and headed home. The rain was coming down and we were all wanting to be dry. We spent the evening in eating fondue (AMAZING!!), and after many visits I finally made my "Friend Frame." I am still impressed at my creativity. I always say that Jeff is the creative one, but this frame was awesome (if I do say so myself...). Monday was our last day in D.C. and David had to work. Jeffrey decided that he wanted to explore by himself. I think he just didn't want to move as slow as Robb and I move. Robb and I made one last attempt to get into the Capitol, but to no avail. We thought, "Monday, rain, no one will be there," boy were we wrong. Oh well, it just means we have to go back. At that point I was just wanting to rest and enjoy the time with Robb. We went to lunch by the house and took a nap. Naps are a good thing, especially when you are on vacation. I woke up to Jeffrey, Robb and David laughing. I heard Robb say something about Laura Linney, and then it got quiet. This last comment will tie into my New York BLOG coming tomorrow. We took Robb and David to the Ugly Mug pub for dinner, went back to their house and talked until it was time to pack and go to bed. Robb took us to the train the next morning ready to embark on our short but packed trip to NYC.

We had an incredible time in D.C. If you haven't been, go. It's our nations capitol and there are many wonderful sites. You may not have the pleasure to hang our with two of the most amazing people ever, but it's still worth the trip. The highlight was spending the time with the boys and just hanging out and talking. I am glad that Jeffrey went to Taipei so many years ago. Not because he brought some amazing gifts home, but because he brought Robb and David into our lives.

Stayed tune for NYC - The end of our vacation...

Nothing In Particuliar

2008-04-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

A couple people have asked me why I haven't been writing lately. I suppose I just haven't been inspired. I was going to break down Obama's speech on race, but decided that it wasn't that significant to me. I am not sure why I haven't been inspired, but can only think that I have been so busy at work that when I get home the last thing I want to do is sit down in front of the computer. I may still breakdown the speech, so you'll just have to wait and see...

The rumors are flying all over my office lately, and that just makes me crazy. Some of them I hope come true, others I just hope are rumors. The point being that nothing is set until I hear it from the horses mouth. I am getting ready to go on vacation in a week and a half and can't wait!

For the first time in I don't know how many years Jeffrey and I are taking a vacation just for us. We are heading to Washington DC to see our most wonderful friends Robb and David. We haven't seen them since the last time they were in LA, which must have been a couple of years ago. When we were deciding where what to do about a vacation we weren't sure what we were going to do, Hawaii or somewhere else. When we contacted Robb and David they told us that they hated Hawaii (a complete lie), and that the ideal vacation spot was Washington DC. They then followed that up with a wonderful book on Washington DC for Christmas. That was how and why we decided that this was the prime vacation spot. We will spend a wonderful few days checking out things in and around DC, but most importantly we will spend them with the boys. We have been there a couple of times and always find new things. I only hope that this time I get to tour the Capital building. We will leave DC and head to NYC for a quick two days where we will spend our time in the Theater District. I think we are seeing three shows in two days. I will write all about our adventures when we return. If you want to hear about the DC part I can almost guarantee that Robb will post something first. He's better at this BLOG thing then I am...

I will try to be more diligent in my posts going forward. I hope that everyone is well and enjoying life!!

Remember: Be kind to God's Children...

A commentary from Keith Olberman

2008-02-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

I really liked what he had to say...

News about Countrywide

2008-01-11T18:11:00.000-08:00

As some of you have heard (unless you live under a rock or only watch reality TV) Countrywide was acquired by Bank of America today. In a press release today Bank of America purchased Countrywide Financial Corporation for 4 billion dollars in stock. Yes, I am going to lose money in this merger. No, I do not believe that I am going to lose my job.

One thing that you may or may not know about me is that I am loyal. I am very loyal to the company I work with especially when I believe in what they do, and their business model. As a result I invested in the company and will take a hit with this merger. I do not believe that I will lose my job.

If you know me, as most of you do, I have a very strong belief that God will provide. If he deems it's necessary for me to leave this company it will happen and another door will open. I wanted to address this here in case people were wondering.

We are moving forward and I believe that we will accomplish great things this year. It's in Gods hands, so let's see what happens...

Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008...

2008-01-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

Well, another year has come and gone... This has been one amazing year. I think that every year I learn something about myself is a good year. I was inspired to write this by my friend Robb (thanks for the inspiration).

I started out 2007 with a severe case of Poison Oak. Little did I know that I was highly allergic to it, and had to discard the clothes I was wearing that faithful day. I guess that is the price you pay for geocaching. Again, thanks Robb and David. :)

I accomplished a great deal professionally this year, and am grateful for the opportunities that were presented to me. Although I work in the mortgage industry and watched many people that I have worked with over the past five years get laid off, I was one of the lucky ones. I had the unfortunate task of letting a couple people go, but also was able to bring someone back who quit in the wake of the "right sizing" that was happening within my division. For those that don't know "right sizing" is the new politically correct term for layoffs. I guess it sounds better then down sizing. I had four managers last year, but am happy to report that in spite of all the changes I am working hard and continue to learn and grow. My team is where I want it to be, and I know that we will accomplish great things in 2008.

Personally things were also good. The first part of the year took me on my first business trip to Arizona, which allowed me to spend some time with friends that have relocated and bond with some new friends. 2007 also provided me with some tremendous insight into Rick. I wont go into it here, but let's just say that I have grown spiritually, and learned some very difficult lessons.

This past year brought some sadness and a great deal of joy. In the middle of the year I lost my grandfather. He was 93 years old and living with Alzheimer's. I wasn't able to be there to say goodbye, but am happy that I had the time with him I did over my life. Around the same time as his departure from this plain we had a blessed event in the birth of Elliot Michael McDonald. Our very dear friends allowed us to be a part of this amazing event. He was born on June 19, and is the most amazing little guy. We get to see him grow and change, and love every minute we get to be with him. He is one lucky guy, as he probably has two of the most talented and loving parents. He's also lucky to have Uncle Rick and Jeffrey too! :)

When I was younger I had this vision of what I wanted a relationship to be. After everything my parents went through they have the most amazing bond. After more then 30 years together you can see the love and passion that still exists within their relationship. This is what I wanted for myself. Fifteen plus years ago I found what I was looking for. Jeffrey came into my life and I knew in my heart (although not in my head...) that this was the person who would give me that feeling. We still look at each other, and I can't believe that I found that one person who would make my heart beat a little faster, my head a little lighter and still sweep me off my feet everyday. I never truly new what love was until that day in November when we stayed up all night and talked. I don't think that there has ever been another person who I could sit with and talk to for twelve hours. He is the light of my life and I can't wait to see what the next sixty years holds.

The last part of this year was all about family. Jeffrey and I went to Northern California after Christmas to spend some quality time with my family. I have two of the most amazing nephews ever who I love so much. I only wish that they lived closer. They are so smart and beautiful. I can't wait to see what's next for them in their lives. I always love seeing my parents. They are two of the most amazing people and I love them both so much.

Finally, as 2008 is here I get to see the birth of another baby, when my dear friend Sheila brings her little daughter into the world. We are planning a trip to see our wonderfully amazing friends in DC, and who knows what else this year has in store for us. I continue to grow in my job, and look forward to more learning, and more growth. I also look forward to those cozy nights on the couch with Jeffrey, whether we are talking or watching the Simpson's it's one of the best things in my life.

I wish everyone a happy, healthy 2008. I hope it brings you everything you desire.

Sometime's I wonder...

2007-11-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

One of the things that I have learned throughout my life is that I am a people pleaser. I have also learned how to manage that, and to those I consider close friends I am honest. The problem I have is this tends to get me into trouble. I have a friend who is so afraid to hurt my feelings they tell me lies. The funny thing is that I always catch them in these lies. Tonight I found out that they told another lie, and the funny thing is that I believe that they are telling their friends to help keep this secret. The thing about lies is that they always catch up to you. I know this from experience.

I like to think that I am an easy going guy. I go with the flow and take things in stride. The only thing I ask from the people in my life is honesty and a little openness when needed. For the most part I have that with those I am closest too, but sometimes that one person needs to tell that lie. I remember when I was little my Mom telling me that it wasn't what I did that was such a big deal, but the fact that I lied about it (I have heard that from someone else too...) I think that sometimes I get so caught up in things that I think in that insane moment that it's easier to lie, and not deal with the situation. I like to think that I have enough common sense today to catch myself in those rare moments and think before something untrue leaves my mouth.

Now, back to this person. I think that what bugs me more then anything was their statement that once someone lies or cheats or so on the trust is broken. I like to think that I treat people the way I would like to be treated, so I assume that if someone makes a statement like that they will live that in their life.

The funny thing is that these are all very petty lies and I shouldn't really care, but it's something that I don't do, so I guess I expect that from those in my life.

I guess it's true the lie is always worse then the action. I get to live that and see what they were talking about. Lesson learned.

What's stopping me...

2007-11-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

When my Father died almost three years ago I decided that I wanted to write a book. While sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to board an idea came to me... I should write a book based on my fathers life. Although there are many missing pieces and much of what my father told me over the last few years was probably not all true, I think it would make for an interesting read. I finally decided that I would write something fiction that was based (very loosely) on his life, and what I know. What I don't I guess I will just make up. That's why it's based on his life, rather then a factual depiction of his life.

The problem is that over the last three years I have spent a great deal of time talking about this, and yet I just can't seem to sit down and write. I think that a part of me is resistant to the process of writing something so personal, and the emotions it will bring up. My very good friend Jeanette is in the final stages of completing a book about her Grandmother. Although she hasn't shared any of it with me, the feedback I have heard from others is great. She told me the last time I saw her to sit down and just start writing. The words will come. I think that what I will do is start writing it here, and see what comes of this new approach.

There, writing about it here has given me the idea to write about it here... (I know, I am a bit weird)... Since I am not feeling 100% tonight, I am going to pack my gym bag and go to bed early. I will start writing sometime this week. Maybe Saturday morning while Jeffrey is still sleeping.

So, look for the first part of the book in my mind (I hope it comes out well, as it sounds great in my head).

Enough of the mundane rantings of someone who is ill and tired...

17 Years of Sobriety today...

2007-11-25T15:47:00.000-08:00

Written, October 15, 2007

Today I celebrate 17 years of sobriety. I decided that it was time to write something about this, and what it means to me.

I still remember that first drink. I was sitting on the roof of our carport with friends (I was eleven years old), and one of them brought a six pack of Budweiser. I still remember the taste, but more importantly I remember the feeling I got after drinking that one beer. I spent the next ten years chasing that feeling.

I grew up in Alcoholics Anonymous. My Grandfather would have celebrated 41 years next month (he died 13 years ago), my Mom just celebrated 36 years and my Brother 18. It's a blessing to have these amazing examples in my life. My Father never got it and died two had a half years ago maintaining control.

17 years ago I called my younger Brother, because I couldn't live like this anymore. He gave me the name of someone to call in Los Angeles, and I immediately avoided calling. I was living with a friend who had dated someone who was sober. He called him and I went to my first meeting, not as Susan's son or Ralph's grandson, but Rick an Alcoholic. It immediately became a social gathering for me, and I wasn't willing to do anything except not take a drink. I knew what to say having grown up in the program, but my talk was just that talk. About three months into my sobriety someone told me to sit down and shut up. It was time to start listening. I am glad that I was receptive at that point, and whether it was because I wanted to please (I am a people pleaser), or really ready to listen I don't know. I do know that I took what was said and started listening. This got me through that first year of sobriety. I had a sponsor and built a solid group of friends. After that first year, I started to have thoughts that maybe I wasn't old enough, maybe I hadn't gone through enough to actually stay sober. I believe that this was the first time I actually asked for help from some higher power. That next Monday, in walked this beautiful young woman. She was 21 and five years sober. She saved my life that night. She proved to me that it didn't matter how old you were, only that you had a desire to stop drinking. I didn't want to go back to that life and realized that night that I didn't have to drink again. She is still the one constant in my life from those early days. We were roommates for awhile, and it was walking from our place to school one morning that I had my first of many spiritual awakenings. For some reason that morning (I always reflected while walking to school) I asked God to restore me to sanity.

Over the years my life has changed. I met, fell in love with and am still with the same person. We celebrate our fifteenth anniversary in less then one month. In 1995 I changed careers and continue to grow as a result. I started showing up for life. I started living everyday for just that day. I plan for my future, and I don't believe that I will ever drink again. What I do know is that I have a reprieve from my desire to drink today. I pray and meditate every morning and have a very strong connection to God.

There have been many people who have touched my life over the past 17 years. There are only a few outside of my family that have had such a profound impact that I will mention it here. There's that one friend who asked me once if my God was big enough to handle whatever I was going through at that time. I said, "No." He told me "fine, then get a new God. One that is big enough to handle the situation." It was at that point that I realized that it was my Higher Power. Then there was that one friend who told me early on that he liked me and wanted me to come around more. I don't ever remember a point in my life where someone actually told me that they liked me. I know it's very Sally Field, but someone who grew up with the pains and struggles to be liked, as I did was finally able to see that I was likeable just for being me. I can say that has changed over the past 17 years. J When I was five years sober my closest friend at the time told me that she was tired of trying to be someone different for each person. I realized at that point that if you didn't like for who I was then we weren't meant to be friends and that was OK.

Finally, something my Grandfather told me has stuck with me always. When I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted my Father in my life (at that point we hadn't spoken in over a year (this was after not seeing him from ages 14 – 20). He told me that I had to make a decision. Do I want my Father in my life? If I did, I needed to let go of all my preconceived ideas and let him be who he is going to be. He was a spiritually sick man, and I had to remove the label of Father and see the man. If I didn't want a relationship with him then I needed to tell him and let him go. On the two hour drive back from Palm Springs I went through it in my head. I prayed for an answer, and by the time I got home one was revealed. I called my Father and am happy to say that we had an amazing relationship. Once I let go of all my ideas and notions it became clear that we could have a relationship. Four months before he died he came to Los Angeles for the first time in twenty years. We bonded over that week. I was able to support him through his rough times, and get some closure. When he died, I was sad, but I had no regrets. We had said everything we needed to, and I know that he loved me in the best way he knew how.

None of these amazing things would have happened without my sobriety, my relationship with God, or the amazing people that have come into my life. I have many things to be grateful for in my life and I count those blessings everyday.

Thank you to Jeffrey, Toni, Rick L, Pamela, Nancy, Jack, Lauren, my entire family and all of the amazing friends I have today. Without all of these people, some who are still a big part of my life, some who have departed and some who have passed away, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Without these lessons or these amazing people I wouldn't continue to grow and change everyday.

Coming out

2007-11-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me after posting a past BLOG to tell my coming out story. I didn't think that it was a big deal and haven't really talked about this in a long time. I wasn't going to write this until I read a short article in a magazine about the power of the BLOG and the impact that it could have without my knowledge.

I think that I realized I was Gay long before I was ever honest with myself or anyone else. Some things happened to me as a child that I won't address here, but I think that these events defined this part of my life. In fact if defined a great part of my life until I dealt with it and was able to move on.

The first time I ever mentioned the thought was my junior year in High School. I became friends with a Senior in my Physiology class who told me he was gay. I instantly had a crush on him. This was the first person who ever made me feel that it was OK. It wasn't anything he said, or did, it was just the fact that he was honest about who he was. We talked several times about this and then he graduated and I went back in the proverbial closet.

I spent the rest of my High School career hiding and denying who I really was. My Mom always had gay and lesbian friends, but I didn't want to be "one of those people." I don't know what I thought "those people" were like, but I knew that wasn't for me. I stole my brother's girlfriend. We dated for over 6 months, and then I decided it was time to move on. We broke up, but still kept in touch. During that time my family moved to Northern California and I moved into a guest house (more like a one room garage) in the back of a friend's house.

In December of that same year my Aunt convinced me that I needed to go through the Lifespring program. This would save me and fix all of my problems. I got what I could from this intense four day workshop. I drank more and avoided anyone and everyone that I perceived to be gay. That was except for Rick. Yes, Rick. He was persistent and wouldn't let me hide. After the workshop he called and we talked until one Saturday night (December 17 to be exact) he called and we spent four hours on the phone and by the end of that conversation (at 3 AM) I had admitted that I was gay and there was no turning back. The next month is sort of a blur for me. I remember my brother coming down during his winter break and hanging out with me. You see, my brother had a friend from high school that came out to him their senior year. This was the person I was hanging out with and the first friend I told that I was gay. He was actually the same person who came and rescued me that first New Years Eve from my first gay bar in West Hollywood (I was a lot drunk).

Anyway, my brother and our friend and I were sitting at what was then the Sports Connection talking. Brian finally looked at me and said, "I know what's going on, I just want you to tell me," so I said, "I'm Gay." He said that was cool and we moved on. Four days later I told my Mom who was in town for a convention. You see, I have always been close to my Mom, and prior to her arrival in LA I told her we needed to talk. Unbeknownst to me at the time she had run into someone I knew in High School at this convention who happened to be Gay. They spent a couple of hours that weekend discussing whether I was going to come out to her. I did in the last five minutes of lunch. She went home, told my Step-Dad and that was the end of it.
I am one of the lucky ones. My parents didn't disown me. They didn't shun me. They did go through their own process. My Step-Dad wanted to know if I could be cured. My Mom did the one thing she always does, and found a support group. She joined PFLAG and discovered that it was OK to have a Gay son. Over the course of the next month I came out to the rest of my family. My cousin thought I was A-sexual, my Aunt screamed Hallelujah and my grandparents (maternal), said they loved me no matter what.

Right before I came out my biological father came back into my life after being gone for seven years. It was a couple months later that he told me the same thing my brother did. I know, but I just want you to tell me. I don't care, as long as you are happy. He then went on to spout some things that I don't believe, but that was just his way of showing support.
Over the course of almost twenty years I have marched in parades, protests and been in the newspaper a couple of times. I have stood outside bars talking to people about safe sex and participated in the community.

I am not so active in those things anymore. I find that the older I get the less I am interested in those things. I believe that we should have the right to marry. I believe that people should learn to let go of the hate and the religious rhetoric. What I do is try to live my life everyday. I am kind (most of the time) and spiritual and I don't lie to people when they ask me that question. I am not ashamed of who I am, but being gay doesn't define me. Who I love and spend my life with is between me and God.

Well that's the short version of my story. I hope that this helps someone, somewhere. I am unique, as I had and have a family that has always supported and loved me no matter what. This isn't a choice. I didn't choose to be this way, if I had a choice I wouldn't pick discrimination. I also wouldn't change who I am for the anything in the world. I am a loving, caring human being. I would go to the ends of the earth for my friends and family. I try everyday to be kind to god's kids. I just happen to be attracted to men. That's just the way god made me.

A lack of Media Priority and Responsibility

2007-11-25T15:44:00.002-08:00

I have finally been inspired to write another BLOG entry. I was at the gym this morning getting ready for work and the news was on the Television. I usually half listen to what they are saying, but Good Morning America caught my ear this morning. The leading story, the number one news item… The death of Anna Nicole Smith. With the war in Iraq, the unrest in Afghanistan, the Nuclear situations in North Korea and Iran and the peace process that has started again between Fatah and Hamas in Meca. Not to mention the many other things going on around the world and here at home that I just haven't gotten to yet.
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What does it say about our society that we are so obsessed with the death of a woman who was only a celebrity because she posed nude in Playboy, married a man 63 years her senior and was a Guess Model for a short time. As a result of these things, as well as her short lived reality series and her relationship with Trim Spa she became more of a caricature then a true celebrity.

Maybe, rather then dealing with what's happening around the world it's easier to "glob on" to this type of person. I assume that it's much easier to follow the life and constant dealings of Anna Nicole Smith then it is to focus on what's happening around the world. I think that it's sad that someone had to die so young, but no disrespect she was just a woman who played hard and it caught up with her. It has become a sad state in this country and more importantly in the media that this is the headline, the top story.

I guess through this BLOG I am perpetuating this by spending so much time focusing on her, but I think that we all need to wake up and look at the people we idolize, people we call role models. The bottom line, we are all human. We all make mistakes, but more importantly we all make choices. We live with those choices and the mistakes as a result, or sometimes (hopefully more often then not) the positives.

That is all I am going to say about this topic. Read or watch the news and look at what's happening in our country and around the world. The Celebrity gossip is a fun escape, but how many people know more about Brad, Angelina and Jennifer then Abbas, Al Maliki, Olmert and Bush? Do you know who's running for President next year? Have you begun your research, or are you going to vote down party lines because it's easier?

That's all for today. Be kind to Gods Children and remember to always be grateful!

It's not how you look...

2007-11-25T15:44:00.001-08:00

"It's not how you look on the outside, but what's on the inside that counts." For some reason this saying came into my head this morning, and I decided that it was a good topic to put down in my BLOG. I have spent time talking about the state of the world, the state of religion and other things, now I want to talk about something a bit more personal.

A few years ago I was showing a colleague pictures from my Birthday celebration. He commented on the people at the table and wondered what it was about me that attracted such beautiful people. I realized that everyone at the table was attractive. It doesn't mean that everyone at the table was skinny or anorexic or what society calls "Super Model beautiful," but people that radiated beauty in such a way that it came through in who they were even in the picture.

Over the last 16 ½ years I have spent a great deal of time learning about who Rick is and what is important. I say 16 ½ years, as my journey began the day I got sober. Clearing away my past (but NEVER forgetting) and finding faith in a power greater then myself (which I call God for lack of a better term) helps make up who I am, what I have and continue to become. It's not been an easy road, but growing and changing never is easy. I have changed my conception of God over the years, and have learned that God provides all that I need including the tools to deal with life on life's terms. About ten years ago I was going through a crisis. I can't tell you what it was about, but I can tell you the lesson. A dear friend asked me if my God was big enough to handle the situation. I looked him in the eye and said "No." He looked at me and said, "Then you need to get a new God." I will never forget those words. It was at that point that I realized that my concept of God can grow and change as I grow and change.

As a result of this work and gaining a better understanding of who I am I believe that I attract those people that are on the same path. They are learning and growing and becoming whatever it is they need to become. I stated in previous posts that I have let people go in my life for one reason or another, but I think that the most compelling reason I have moved on without certain people is their lack of growth. It's important that I do whatever I can to continue to grow as a Human Being. If we don't learn the lessons we are destined to make the same mistakes over again. I learn many lessons from the people in my life. Sometimes these lessons are just "don't do what they did," but they are lessons all the same. If I allow myself to be quiet and listen I am amazed at what I hear.

I guess the bottom line is that we attract people that have something that we want or need. People are placed in our life for reasons that may not be revealed at the time, but if we stop, listen and actually hear what's in our heart the lesson is there. That was a greater answer then the one I gave my colleague, but it was that question that made me think. Once again someone teaching me without even realizing there was a lesson.

I continue to do this and am not perfect in anyway. The difference is that I am willing to do what ever is needed to be responsible for my actions, learn the lessons that are presented and hope that everyday I am being kind to God's Children. Listen to your heart, learn the lessons life has to teach and remember to laugh everyday!

Peace!

Hangin' In There...

2007-11-25T15:42:00.000-08:00

I had every intention of writing something right after the New Year, but as you can see that didn't happen. On December 30 we went for a hike, and two days later I discovered that I am HIGHLY allergic to Poison Oak/Ivy (not sure which I came in contact with, but the reaction is the same). I am finally on the mend and feeling a little more human. I am going to assume that getting this out of the way at the beginning of the year means that it will only get better as we progress.

Everything is finally over. The holidays, anniversaries and my birthday, which was only last week and continues (I love to celebrate). It's funny, but the last three months of the year are always packed with activity. It's nice to know that it's almost over and we can get back to some semblance of normalcy.

Well, that's all I am going to put into this BLOG, as I have something to say, but still want to think about it a little more. I just wanted everyone to know that I haven't disappeared, but am on the mend and will post more (maybe later today, just wait and see…)

Religion, Prejudice and Cookies...

2007-11-25T15:41:00.001-08:00

I know that it's been awhile since my last BLOG, but I haven't been inspired to write. That and Jeffrey has spent the past week in the kitchen (which is where my computer is located) baking the most amazing cookies. Now that those are done I have a little peace (although I had to turn the music off it was distracting).

One of my colleagues came to my desk on Thursday and asked me a question that has caused a tremendous amount of thought. You see, he asked me why it wasn't OK to say "Merry Christmas" anymore. I told him that I didn't understand where that was coming from. He mentioned a Holiday email we received from the President of our company. I told him that he wouldn't say Merry Christmas, as he is Jewish. My colleague and friend still didn't understand. You see he is a very devout Roman Catholic. I told him that although I don't get offended when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, I find that it's more appropriate to say Happy Holidays (although I was walking around the office yesterday wishing anyone who would listen to me a "Merry Chrismahanakwanzicah") he didn't understand what was so offensive. I told him that I didn't think it was offensive, but some might. I didn't really have an answer for him, so I ask the masses, is it offensive, and if so, why? I know for me, a Jewish man it isn't, but I think that's because Christmas was always about Santa Claus and the dead tree in our living room. My Mom didn't want us to miss anything, so we had Christmas and Hanukkah every year. We didn't open Hanukkah presents, only Christmas presents. In fact it was the first year Jeffrey and I were together that my Mom did her last Christmas tree.

This question and subsequent discussion got me thinking about what's happening in Congress right now with the letter one Representative wrote to his constituents about the new Representative who happens to be Muslim. All of this controversy over the fact that the new Rep from Minnesota wants to take the oath of office with one hand on the Koran instead of using the Christian Bible. If he didn't want to do this I would be worried. This is his sacred text, as the Torah is to my people and the Bible to the Christians. My colleague said that he didn't know what was in the Koran and didn't know if it covered things like lying and stealing and such. I told him that it wasn't the text of the Koran (and it does talk about these things (and they are wrong in both books)) it was the oath that he was taking to uphold the constitution. He then asked me how I would feel if it was someone that worshiped the Devil. I said I wouldn't necessarily agree with their politics, but I didn't think that they would have to take an oath on the Bible anyway. I then wondered if this man places Muslims in the same league as Devil worshipers. I told him that although there are radical religious people in the world of all faiths we can't generalize and blame innocent people for the wrongs committed by others. The sad thing is that I don't think he heard me. Just as the focus is on the radical Muslims in the Middle East, there are still the radical Christians around the world telling people that what they believe is wrong. Killing for "Your God" has been around a lot longer then any of us. In fact God talks to our President on a regular basis, why do you think this country is where it's at today. Maybe he should listen to others as well… What did British do to the Indians when they came to this country? It was all in the name of their god.

The idea in this country, which was founded on freedom, has been diluted. We have people who unfortunately think that everyone who is different from them shouldn't have the same rights. I grew up Jewish and didn't really know what persecution was until that day my sophomore year of high school that group of boys threw a penny at me with a swastika on it. I didn't know what prejudice was until that car full of people drove by me and threw something at me screaming "FAG." I don't let those things get to me anymore. I have learned that through my actions and who I am I can make a difference. I saw this when a former colleague told me that when he first met me he had all of these preconceived ideas about gay people and that after getting to know me he realized that all of his ideas were wrong and that I was just like him, except that where he fell in love with his wife, I fell in love with Jeffrey. I learned of my own prejudice the day an old friend sent me a letter expressing the joy she found having found her connection with Jesus. It wasn't until Jeffrey pointed out that she was sharing her joy with me that I realized she wasn't judging. In fact I learned a great deal through my letters to and from her about the similarities we share. She just chooses to pray to Jesus and I meditate to my interpretation of God. If we just live our lives honestly and openly maybe we can touch one person and make a difference in the world. Hate and ignorance are just an unwillingness to understand and a fear of something we don't know. Whatever you believe, as long as you aren't harming another person (or animal) and you live an honest life and believe whatever you choose to believe that's acceptable to me. In fact, I am always interested in what others believe. I think it enhances my relationship with my God.

Be kind to Gods Kids, Merry ChristmaHanakKwanzicah!!!

December is here...

2007-11-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

I realized today that I haven't blogged since returning from my trip to my parents for Thanksgiving. I left Tuesday, November 21 and actually blogged from my Parents house, because I felt the need to respond to someone, who hasn't responded to me. Maybe he doesn't read my Blog, although I did write him a personal message. Whatever.

As I was saying I arrived on Tuesday and had to wait a couple of hours for my nephews to get up from their naps to see them (they are 4 and 2). While waiting my Mom and I went to Costco and spent some time together. I cherish the time that I have with my Mom and am glad that we are close. In fact, I found this wonderful card for her that I left on her craft table before departing for the airport to return home. I have to assume she hasn't found it yet, since she hasn't said anything to me.

As I was saying... We returned from Costco and my Nephews woke up and I got to finally spend some quality time with them. They are amazing boys and it's a pleasure and a treat to spend time with them. They are great at this age. Anyway the first part of the trip was fun and I even gave my brother an opportunity to mess with me. I had to jump on a conference call while we were at lunch and then on the way home from lunch. I hung up and my brother jumped at the chance to make an Office Space reference. I never did hear the end of it...

So, now we get to Thanksgiving... My mother had 26 people over and I have to say that there were way too many people there. I enjoyed time with my Cousins, whom I haven't seen in a great while, and the other relatives, but still too many people. My Dad and I setup and took everything down. I cooked one of the Turkeys and Stuffing's (my Aunt did the other). All in all it was a nice trip, but I was glad to be home in the warmth of my own bed and with Jeffrey.
We have begun to put up the Christmas lights and will complete some other things to get the house ready for the holidays. We have turned into that couple that does it up for Halloween and now Christmas/Hanukkah. Oh well, it's fun and all in good taste. You will find nothing tacky at my house.

In a comment from my last Blog entry someone asked what it was like coming out at 19. I will tell that story next time. I don't find it all that interesting anymore, but maybe it will help someone who may happen upon this blog.

Be kind to Gods Children!

Self Realization

2007-11-25T15:36:00.001-08:00

I have been trying to find the time to write another blog, especially after my experience this past Sunday. Work was hectic on Monday and then I left town on Tuesday to spend this Thanksgiving holiday with my family. In fact, I have my 4 year old and 2 year old nephews in the other room distracting me (it's a good distraction)...

So, back to what I started to say above...Last week, as I stated previously was my anniversary. Jeffrey and I have been together for fourteen amazing years. We spent Sunday afternoon at the self realization center. This center was started in 1950 by an Indian Guru who saw beyond the interpretations of others people's ideas about religion. He realized long before I did that although there are many religions in the world we all believe in the one basic concept. Whether you call this concept God, Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu or something else, it's still the belief in a power greater then yourself, "A higher power." At the end of this amazing garden the five major religions are represented. One is not more prominent then the other. One is not more ostentatious then the other. They are all equally represented. It's a simple monument to beliefs that most of us share. Whether you're Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Hindu it's your belief and that should be respected.

I wasn't raised in organized religion. We were Jewish by culture and sometimes went to Temple. Mostly we just went through the motions. I went to church with my friends in many denominations. I went to a Buddhist Temple. I enjoyed hearing about other peoples beliefs. I don't know if it made a difference in my beliefs, but I like to think that the lessons I learned help me understand a little better. Coming out at 19 placed some pretty big preconceived religious ideas in my head. Jeffrey taught me that just because someone is sharing their belief with me, doesn't mean they are judging. Of course, this is in a one on one situation. Through some reading I did after purchasing a small book in the gift shop of the Self Realization Center I read that this Guru, who came before me believes as I do. If we are kind to all around us we can succeed. It doesn't mean that people will be kind in return, but we don't have to be affected, as our response to that unkindness is just as important.

I wish the leaders of this world who believe that what they believe is "better" then anyone else would come and learn that it's OK to believe what you want, as long as you are kind and good at heart. The problem is that the leaders of this world hide behind their "Faith," which is really just an excuse to seize power. Someone who believes that God tells them to goto war, or to kill innocent people for their different beliefs isn't hearing the word of God, but is listening to their own ego and desire for Power and Control.

One more thing before I call it a day... This is for my nephew, the 22 year old, you know who you are. Our beliefs are very similar and you would be amazed at how mush you sound like Jeffrey. I love you kid. You are an amazing human being.

Be kind to Gods kids...

Who I am and What I believe is acceptable to me...

2007-11-25T15:35:00.001-08:00

What does it mean? For me the subject of this Blog means that today I am OK with who I am. I am OK with what I believe. I am not ashamed, and I don't let others make me feel that my beliefs are wrong. This doesn't mean that I am not open to other people's ideas and opinions. I listen to what people say and sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes it's total crap, and sometimes I take some and leave the rest.

I read the above statement in my morning reading and it struck me how true this was for me in my life. What it also made me realize is that sometimes I can get stuck in that and not listen to what other people have to say. This is not necessarily a good thing. I find that my opinion of people and how they have treated me in the past clouds what they say about others to me. What I realized this morning in my meditation is that sometimes what these people say may be the truth. I find that I instantly discount what they say and ignore it. This time I can't. They aren't the only person making the same statements. I know that this is cryptic, but the point is that sometimes we need to get over our pre-formed ideas and listen to what everyone around us is saying. I have been sober for more then 16 years, and this is something I learned along time ago. It just shows that sometimes we have to learn the same lesson over again. Listen to the message not necessarily the person delivering the message.

Well, it's 5:25 in the morning on my 11th straight day at work. All I can think about is next week and taking some time off, visiting with my family and really looking forward to seeing my nephews.

This was my revelation this morning. I hope it makes sense, but then if it doesn't oh well.
Be kind to Gods children today and remember that it's acceptable to be who you are and believe what you believe.

Do we ever get a break?

2007-11-25T15:34:00.000-08:00

So, I spent the entire weekend working (thank god I can do it from home). I have to say that it was a very frustrating weekend, as things didn't go as planned and the people responsible weren't very responsible. This caused my 5 hour day to turn into almost 12 hours on and off. I also had to work today. I swear I am going to through this pager out the ninth floor window one of these days. I got up this morning and did laundry like I do every Sunday, and came home and crawled back in to bed only for my pager to go off one hour later and wake me out of a dead sleep. Ugh!

Oh well, at least I have a job and one that I enjoy. I am grateful for that, even if I have to deal with some difficult people.

Other then working, I have been spending time at home relaxing this weekend. We are leaving shortly to go say goodbye to our friends who are moving to Florida on Wednesday. It's funny, I have spent time posting to my Blog about change and choices. I have talked about letting people go... The thing is just because people move across the country doesn't mean that I am letting them go. Distance doesn't rule whether or not someone is my friend. I have a friend who frustrates me at times (more often then not) whom I have known for 22 years. In fact I performed her wedding ceremony when she married her husband two years ago. We don't' speak often, but she is someone who is growing and changing and when we talk it's wonderful and like no time has passed. She was back in the states over the summer (she moved to Bristol, England after getting married) and called me. She wanted to get together or at least talk, but I never heard from her after that initial call. Sometimes things just get in the way. Anyway, back to my friends that are moving to Florida. I met Jeanette through a friend about eight years ago, and she was another one of those people who made me say "Oh, there you are." We talked for three hours, and our mutual friend said that if I was straight we would have been married in three months. We have been close ever since and she and her boyfriend and two amazing people who we can sit and talk to for hours. In fact there was one night we sat and talked until two in the morning without even realizing it was that late (or early ). We see each other once every two to three months, so six months won't be that long.

That's all I have time to write today. Tomorrow is another work week, although I don't think that this week is over and is just running into the next, but that's life. Tuesday is our 14 year anniversary. It's funny, Jeffrey gave me a card after six week together and wished me a happy 10 year anniversary. It feels like yesterday we were standing in line to get into a club and have someone ask how long we had been together we looked at each other our watches and responded "5 hours"

Be kind to Gods kids!

Now What...

2007-11-25T15:33:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to figure out what I should write next in this Blog. I still don't really know what I want to write about. There are so many different things going on in the world and in my own life.

When I took this new job I was bound and determined to not do what my predecessor did, which was work long hours and take on too much. Well, more then one month into this I am working longer hours and taking on too much. The funny thing is, I LOVE IT!! I feel like I am a part of team whose primary goal is to make things better. We are making major improvements in our processes and I have the opportunity to mentor once again.

I learned a valuable lesson a couple of weeks ago, but I still find that my behavior hasn't changed. Jeffrey pointed out to me that I tend to play a dysfunctional game of "since you treated me like that I will treat you the same way." neener, neener, neener. I found that I have done that to someone else in my life. Rather then expressing the fact that it bothers me and communicating like an adult I dish it back. There are certain people who feel that it's OK not to respond to me at all. I assume because they are either ashamed of something and don't want to cop to it, or just don't think that I am worthy of a response. I find when that happens I play that game right back. What I realized is that is unhealthy, childish behavior. There's nothing wrong with childish behavior in the right situation, but when you have relationships with people it's probably best to treat them the way you expect to be treated.

I guess that's my big lesson this week. I am working hard. I have a new friend at the office whom I would spend the entire day talking to if there wasn't so much work to do. You know how you meet people and it's like "Oh, there you are." That's how I feel. She kind of walked in to the office we were introduced and we just have these amazing conversations. It's great when you can find people to have meaningful, intelligent conversations with. From politics, to god, to the state of the world, this idea in today's society that you have to believe what the other person believes is ridiculous. The idea that a Muslim and a Jew can't have meaningful conversations and be great friends is just preposterous. At the end of the day or at the end of your life we all have to answer to a higher power. Be kind to one another and do what you can to make the world a better place. I try to do that on a daily basis. I am far from perfect, but I make an attempt. Every morning I ask to do gods will and then I try to get out of the way and see what happens.

That's all for tonight (I guess I had something to say, even if it is fragmented). I need to go to bed, as I have to go to Ventura tomorrow to roll out the first phase of a technology pilot.
One more thing... If someone told you that they were a "White Paper" for Halloween, would you get it?

Be kind to Gods Children.

Reading, Writing and Ranting

2007-11-25T15:32:00.001-08:00

When last we left I was off to finish the new Mitch Albom book, For One More Day. For those that don't know the author, he also wrote Tuesdays with Morrie and the Five People you Meet in Heaven.

All I can say is WOW. It was another incredible read. It once again put things into perspective. This time about the short time we have with the people we love. The story centered around a would be baseball star who at an early age was told by his Father that he could be a "daddy's boy or a mommy's boy." The reason that resonated with me was that was how I felt growing up. My father not really being around, but the constant reminder that I looked just like him made me feel the need to choose. I learned later in life, as this would be star did that you don't have to choose. Once I hit 19 or 20 I got to be very close to (and still am) my Mom. I have a great relationship with my step father who raised me, and was lucky enough to get to know my Father before he passed. What I realize today is that I am my own man and what defines me and who I am is partly because of these three people and their influnces.

The truth goes back to something I said before, we are who we are based on the choices that we make. This man in a near death experience got to spend one more day with his Mother. It really makes me appreciate what I have. When my Father died in March of 2005 I was sad, and still miss him, but I have no regrets. We had a relationship I never dreamed possible.
So, if you get a chance pick up this book. It's short and shouldn't take too long to read. It's worth every page.

Be kind to God's Children! (Thanks Jack)

Random Rantings

2007-11-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

My friend asked me before I left the office today if I was going to Blog tonight. Since there is one person out there who has expressed interest in the rantings of Rick, I have decided to oblige her and post more thoughts and things that have happened.
As you may or may not know I take mass transit to and from work. I have been doing this for more then four years now, and for some reason it doesn't appear like it will ever end. With my new job I feel the need to get a car and contribute to the pollution in Los Angeles. I feel guilty when I run out of the office at my normal time. Granted I arrive at work at 6:30 AM and on most days don't have the option of taking a lunch. Today I got fifteen minutes to go to Target and pick up my allergy pills. I forgot my lunch and am thankful that someone offered to pick something up for me while they were out. Otherwise it would have been left over Halloween candy for lunch (gross).

Yesterday I left the office a little after 4 and it took over an hour and a half and a very crowded bus ride to get home. Today I left on time, and had a very quick (one hour) and empty ride home. It's amazing how ten minutes can make a world of difference.
When my friend Tracy left and moved back to North Carolina I told her that since she was leaving I was not going to let smelly people sit next to me, nor was I going to allow someone drinking something on the bus (other then water) to sit next to me, as I don't want to wear their beverage when the bus makes a hard stop. So far, I have been successful. I carry a bag, and place it on the seat. Most people just stand and don't bother me, but I assume that at some point I am going to have to tell someone "I'm sorry, you can't sit here with your beverage, as I am not interested in wearing it." I doubt it will go over well, but I wouldn't let people sit next to me when Tracy was around, as I was saving her a seat and wouldn't give up that hour for anyone. I miss my conversations with Tracy. We talk through email now, but it isn't the same. It's rare to find someone that is smart and up on the politics of the world. Oh the discussions we would have.... (sigh...) There was the time over the past few weeks that we started to put together stories about the odd people we saw on the bus. I saw the Armenian lady that used to be a stripper and was jilted by her lover. I believe that he left her for another man and she never recovered.

Those are my rantings tonight. I am in the midst of the new Mitch Albom book, which is wonderful so far. I may right about that tomorrow. I should finish it before I go to bed tonight.

Choices

2007-11-25T15:30:00.001-08:00

In a conversation with a coworker and new friend over that past two weeks I realized that we make choices in our lives and sometimes these choices can be defining life choices.
I came to a realization this morning during my conversation with this incredibly smart woman that I have made some choices over the last couple of years that have really become defining moments. Although, I am not going to bore you with the details (something's I just can't divulge) I will say that they were defining.
As you read (or not) in my last bulletin I have "cleaned house." What this means is that I have made some choices in my life, and as a result I have let go of certain attachments. When I get right down to it, into the depths of my mind I realize that there is a guiding force. Call it what you like in your life, destiny, your will, the spiritual nexus. I choose to call this God, a power greater then guiding me if I am willing to get out of the way.
I was recently in a major quandary about my career and I just didn't know which direction to go, so I did what I always do... I prayed about it, turned it over and then got in the way, because I thought (once again) that I could do this much better. This made me miserable, and I assume I wasn't pleasant to be around (angst isn't always nice). The wonderful thing is that I have Jeffrey and Lauren and some really amazing people in my life who listened to me bitch and moan. I interviewed for a couple positions and realized that what I really wanted to do was right under my nose. I decided the only action to take was to ask. One thing I have learned over the years is the worst thing someone can say when you ask is "No." Once I got out of the way and quieted down my brain I was presented with the best option for me. I jumped at the chance and have been happy in the choice. I could have taken the other job, but then I would be bored and not doing what I love.
The lesson, don't run to the first thing, because you want out of the frying pan. The fire is probably hotter!
That's all I have tonight.

Decisions we make...

2007-11-25T15:25:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I should blog something other then things that other people have sent me. So, it's time to tell you what's been going on in my head (I know scary). Over the past few weeks I have been "Cleaning House."
What does that mean you may ask... Well to me it means that I have been examining my life and moving on without certain people. I believe that everyone is brought into your life for one reason or another, and sometimes they stay and sometimes they don't. I have learned something from everyone that has passed through my life. The people that matter are still around.
You see over the past few weeks there have been people that feel that it is OK to take me for granted. I guess I give off that "I will always be here no matter what" thing that people take advantage of. I am a trusting person at heart, but if you take me for granted I will eventually cut ties, and move on with my life. It doesn't mean that I don't love these people, it just means that we are moving in different directions.
There are a few people who I have met over the past two years that have taught me a great deal about what I want from the people in my life and what I don't want. One of my big pet peeves is flakes. If I send you an email, or I call you a couple of times, at least have the courtesy to respond. If we have plans and you can't make it for one reason or another, be honest with me. I can't stand people that lie to me and are really bad at those lies.
I have found that chronological age doesn't mean that you are mature and have learned life's lessons. It's just that chronological age. One of the things I am really bad at is letting people know when I am done, and don't want to pursue the friendship anymore. I had a couple of friends who I let go this past week. I ran into one of them at a party last night and could see how uncomfortable I made them by being in the same room. I am not mean, and actually take responsibility for most of the way I am treated. I believe that if we allow people to treat us a certain way we shouldn't expect anything other then the way we are treated. I have friends that have been in my life for years and years and yet we don't see each near as often, but I know that if I ever I need their support it would be there and I know they know it would be the same were they to call on me.
I guess that's it at this point. Moving on in life is very important. Those are my lessons for the month. Move on, grow, and enjoy life.
Be kind to Gods children!