It’s been at least two years since I last blogged. I haven’t been inspired to write anything, and often wonder if blogging is some form of self-indulgence. I suppose it’s a bit of both (inspiration and self-indulgence), and I honestly don’t know if anyone will read what I write. For me this is a bit cathartic and allows me to put my thoughts out there without putting them on Facebook, or linking to what I have to write.
I suppose it’s self-indulgence, but I feel it’s something I need to put out in the universe and whomever reads this post, reads this post…
It’s been just over a year since the election and I continue to think about the ramifications of the election, not because one person won or because the other lost. It’s around what it means to vote and the stand we take every time we step into the voting booth and cast a ballot. This election was significant for me, as it was the first time that the choice was clear. It was my ability to stand up and vote. This last election, for me was about my rights and my ability to marry. Many people saw my many posts on Facebook, or read the things that Jeff wrote, or responses one of us had when someone came back with this or that retort. Over the course of the past year people have un-friended us on Facebook, some people have just gone back to “status quo.” Some were insulted and hurt and spouted hateful vitriol at me, called me a bully and then there were those that asked forgiveness and after some struggles came to understand.
Here’s the thing, and I find this pretty black and white. When you sign documents and build into your platform that my rights, who I am and whom I love is wrong and I should not be allowed to have this basic right, that I shouldn’t be able to marry the person I love you don’t get my vote. If you support me and support my rights and want to see change you would withhold your vote as well. This is standing up and making a difference.
What does it mean to tolerate? When you tell me you support me, but only in private and only when it’s convenient. That’s tolerance. When someone spouts hatred and vitriol out of one side of their mouth and out of the other side talks about the gay friend they have is what I consider tolerance. Here’s the thing… I am done being tolerated. You either support me or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways. The only way to affect change is to tell these people that you don’t get my vote. You don’t get my support and you don’t get my money. This is acceptance and this is what it means to affect change. When you talk to these people (when given the opportunity) and all you can say is that you can agree to disagree I’m not being supported. It’s all OK when we are together, but when faced with the choice some times the more difficult path is what makes change happen. Walking away from a conversation with someone running for office and not withholding your vote and letting him or her know that they don’t get your vote, because they don’t support something that you have stated you do support doesn’t affect change. It just tells these people that there are no consequences for their actions.
Some people see things differently. Most people that want to argue this point don’t know what it’s like, nor have they made any effort to understand. Let me spell it out with thoughts that go through my head, that I can almost ensure don’t go through those people that are in heterosexual relationships. I will follow that up with a story that might just bring this all into context.
When I walk down the street with my husband we don’t hold hands. We don’t necessarily appear to be a couple (although that’s tough, because just looking at us look at each other kind of gives it away). We fear screams from cars, or that person or group of people walking towards us that might want to bash us. Sure it may sound silly, but it’s real. It happened in NYC over and over just last year. It’s happened to me. There’s nothing worse then having trash thrown at you from a moving a car while people shout “FAG,” and “QUEER” out the window. You see, these people that you support, but talk about wanting to change from the inside perpetuate this behavior through their words, actions and those organizations they support. Try walking in my shoes for a week. Try understanding what it means to be ridiculed everyday in the news. Look at the experience from the people that state we have the ridiculous power over the weather. Most people don’t understand what it’s like seeing the commercials or TV shows that address bullying. Every time I see one I get emotional and remember the years of bullying and name-calling. I don’t call this out for sympathy, I tell you this to maybe help you understand at least a little about what it was like.
Finally a story: On November 9 Jeffrey and I were finally able to get married. After 21 years against all odds SCOTUS nullified Prop 8. It was a small victory in a war on discrimination. Despite the vitriol and hatred that continues to be spewed we will overcome. Here’s the thing, On November 12, Jeffrey hand delivered our marriage license to the courts. We were so excited we wanted to make sure that it arrived safely and correctly. Five weeks later we received the marriage license back, because the last number in the zip code of one of our witnesses was illegible to the person reviewing (it was clear to us). This was frustrating, as it required more money and the person that married us to sign an affidavit. Jeffrey called the clerks office only to discover that this was a method used by certain clerks to prolong the process and make it more difficult for same sex couples. They have seen a higher number of marriage licenses returned if it’s clear that the couples are of the same sex (Jeffrey and Richard are clearly two men). It’s been more than two months since we were married and we are still waiting for our marriage license. Be outraged, be upset, but don’t just use your words. Take action. Do something different and take a contrary action.
You see, when you tell me that you are changing things from within, or that voting for that candidate that supports discrimination what you are saying to me is that you tolerate me, that there are more important things than my basic human rights. The only way I know to see this kind of change is to make a stand. Whether it’s not eating at Chik-fil-a or not voting for that candidate that doesn’t support my freedoms. Don’t do this because you want me to think you support me, even though it’s inconvenient for you. (Some one was annoyed that they couldn’t eat a chicken sandwich, because they wanted to appear to support me).
We live in a country where we are free to vote for and purchase from whomever or wherever we choose. This is one of the many great things about this country. At the end of the day I really don’t have too much concern about whom you vote for or where you spend your money. But, don’t tell me that you support me, don’t insult me with your comments of support, when you aren’t willing to stand up or do something courageous. You may tolerate me, and you may even believe that you support me. Just know that I can’t abide by the cognitive dissidence any longer.
I suppose this is more self indulgent than anything else. :)
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
An Open Letter to my Friends and Family
Good Day,
Over the last couple of days I have tried to come up with a way to address some things that have been bothering me. How do I communicate to everyone without alienating anyone? How do I express my opinions and perceptions to everyone without putting people and their opinions into one universal bucket? After pondering these questions I decided the best thing to do would be to post this note to Facebook and my BLOG.
What's been on my mind lately, well if you have been following my posts and the various articles I have passed on you know. Although I am a gay man (I know shocker) it doesn't define the type of person I am, nor does it really describe who I am. It's a term that I (and others) use because 1. I am attracted to someone of the same gender and more importantly 2. I met, fell in love with and have spent (and will spend) my life with another man. I am also Jewish. I am a recovering alcoholic who will celebrate 20 years of sobriety in October. I am a hard worker. I am a Son, a Brother and an Uncle. I love fiercely and am passionate about a great many things. I love to read. I am the best friend you will ever have. I will defend your right to be who you are with my heart and soul. I will stick up for you and get mad with you when something or someone does you wrong. These are just some of the things that make me who I am. Those of you closest to me know these things about me, and have experienced most of them.
A great many of you know Jeffrey. 18 years ago we met. 16 years ago we decided that it was time to take the next step. In another time, or another place we would have been engaged and then married. Unfortunately this wasn't something that we were allowed to do. So, we did what we could. We moved in together. We registered Domestic Partners with the City of West Hollywood and then the state of California. Like most of you when you got married we put our lives together and never looked back. The last 18 years have been the best of my life and I look forward to what the future holds for us together. We laugh, we cry (well, I do mostly) and we share in each other's successes and failures. Like everyone else that has been in a committed long term relationship, we come first for each other.
That's why I'm posting this letter. Some people out there (maybe even some of you here who call me friend) think that it's not OK to "redefine" marriage. To those people I ask: how are we redefining marriage? Isn't marriage about two people committing their lives to one another? Isn't marriage about two people stating that NO MATTER WHAT you are the person I want for the rest of my life? That's what marriage means to me. Some people think it means something else. Some people think it means that marriage is about procreation. Would you deny your grandparent or parent the right to marry after their husband or wife died and they found someone special to spend their remaining days with? What about those of you who have been divorced and are now remarried? Did you have more children with that person, and if not why marry you aren't procreating? Even if you did, what about the children you may have had with that previous spouse? I don't judge, I just ask you to take a look at where you are and how my life or my relationship has impacted yours. Can you find somewhere that my relationship has caused you harm? Many people have told me that we are an example of what they want (whether we like it or not...) :)
When you talk about Conservative vs. Liberal are you so busy listening to Fox News, or MSNBC that you don't look at the facts? Are you blinded by the Glenn Beck's or Keith Olberman's of the world? Do you only look at one side of an issue? Do you really believe that this issue was decided by an activist judge, one who is on record as being a conservative judge? Have you lost sight of the three branches of government? Do you think that I chose this lifestyle: that I decided one day that I would be attracted to men, so I could be persecuted, hated and threatened? Would you choose this? Did you make a conscious decision one day of what gender you were attracted to?
This isn't about religion. This isn't about redefining anything. This is about civil rights. This is about equal protection. Why should I be denied what you have and what some people take for granted? Why don't I have the choice to marry the person that I love? You know me. You know who I am. Some of you know where I came from and have experienced me at different points in my life. Do you think that I should have the same rights and benefits as you, or at least the choice? This isn't about politics. This is about my right as a Citizen of the United States to marry the person I love.
Finally I want to address the issue around Target and Best Buy. Some of you have decided that it's OK to support Target. You are entitled to your opinions and views. I would like you to understand my point of view. I would hope that you will read this and understand that this isn't about politics for me. This is about the simple fact that Target took money from their employees (albeit willingly) and donated it to a candidate. This candidate, regardless of his affiliation (he just happens to be Republican) donates money to a group of musicians who feel it's OK to advocate for the killing of gays and lesbians (is this what your God tells you is OK? Theirs apparently does). This candidate feels that it's OK to enshrine discrimination in the US Constitution. This isn't about conservative or liberal. This is about hate. There is a very real separation of Church and State in this country. That candidate has every right to believe what he does, just as you have every right to support him. All I ask is that you think about why you support him, and if you believe that all of his other views outweigh the right he thinks he has to discriminate against me. How would you feel if he decided that it was OK to outlaw religion in this country? Religion is a choice; you weren't born with a belief, were you? You were raised, or came to your beliefs through other means. What if this candidate felt it OK to donate money to the KKK or a white supremacy group? What if Target donated to Nancy Pelosi or Barbara Boxer, two people Conservatives call Ultra Super Liberal? Would you then feel like you do?
With all of the struggles and heartache we are going through as a country today is it really necessary to spend the millions of dollars on getting elected? Why not give back? Why not give to your community?
In closing dear friends let me say again that you, like me are entitled to your opinion. Think about the fact that some of your decisions affect me in a very real way. They affect the people I love, and in turn affect you.
After 18 years with the same person in a committed relationship why shouldn't I have the right to marry? Why shouldn't I have the right to the same protections? In a time of hate mongering and disingenuous rhetoric let's remember that we are one nation. There is room for all of us here. If we want fiscal and social responsibilities look for those that provide that. Don't listen to what Fox News or MSNBC or CNN tell you. Don't listen to the ads on TV. Do your research. Look at the whole picture. Think about the fact that I don't have what you do (at least some of you).
Over the last couple of days I have tried to come up with a way to address some things that have been bothering me. How do I communicate to everyone without alienating anyone? How do I express my opinions and perceptions to everyone without putting people and their opinions into one universal bucket? After pondering these questions I decided the best thing to do would be to post this note to Facebook and my BLOG.
What's been on my mind lately, well if you have been following my posts and the various articles I have passed on you know. Although I am a gay man (I know shocker) it doesn't define the type of person I am, nor does it really describe who I am. It's a term that I (and others) use because 1. I am attracted to someone of the same gender and more importantly 2. I met, fell in love with and have spent (and will spend) my life with another man. I am also Jewish. I am a recovering alcoholic who will celebrate 20 years of sobriety in October. I am a hard worker. I am a Son, a Brother and an Uncle. I love fiercely and am passionate about a great many things. I love to read. I am the best friend you will ever have. I will defend your right to be who you are with my heart and soul. I will stick up for you and get mad with you when something or someone does you wrong. These are just some of the things that make me who I am. Those of you closest to me know these things about me, and have experienced most of them.
A great many of you know Jeffrey. 18 years ago we met. 16 years ago we decided that it was time to take the next step. In another time, or another place we would have been engaged and then married. Unfortunately this wasn't something that we were allowed to do. So, we did what we could. We moved in together. We registered Domestic Partners with the City of West Hollywood and then the state of California. Like most of you when you got married we put our lives together and never looked back. The last 18 years have been the best of my life and I look forward to what the future holds for us together. We laugh, we cry (well, I do mostly) and we share in each other's successes and failures. Like everyone else that has been in a committed long term relationship, we come first for each other.
That's why I'm posting this letter. Some people out there (maybe even some of you here who call me friend) think that it's not OK to "redefine" marriage. To those people I ask: how are we redefining marriage? Isn't marriage about two people committing their lives to one another? Isn't marriage about two people stating that NO MATTER WHAT you are the person I want for the rest of my life? That's what marriage means to me. Some people think it means something else. Some people think it means that marriage is about procreation. Would you deny your grandparent or parent the right to marry after their husband or wife died and they found someone special to spend their remaining days with? What about those of you who have been divorced and are now remarried? Did you have more children with that person, and if not why marry you aren't procreating? Even if you did, what about the children you may have had with that previous spouse? I don't judge, I just ask you to take a look at where you are and how my life or my relationship has impacted yours. Can you find somewhere that my relationship has caused you harm? Many people have told me that we are an example of what they want (whether we like it or not...) :)
When you talk about Conservative vs. Liberal are you so busy listening to Fox News, or MSNBC that you don't look at the facts? Are you blinded by the Glenn Beck's or Keith Olberman's of the world? Do you only look at one side of an issue? Do you really believe that this issue was decided by an activist judge, one who is on record as being a conservative judge? Have you lost sight of the three branches of government? Do you think that I chose this lifestyle: that I decided one day that I would be attracted to men, so I could be persecuted, hated and threatened? Would you choose this? Did you make a conscious decision one day of what gender you were attracted to?
This isn't about religion. This isn't about redefining anything. This is about civil rights. This is about equal protection. Why should I be denied what you have and what some people take for granted? Why don't I have the choice to marry the person that I love? You know me. You know who I am. Some of you know where I came from and have experienced me at different points in my life. Do you think that I should have the same rights and benefits as you, or at least the choice? This isn't about politics. This is about my right as a Citizen of the United States to marry the person I love.
Finally I want to address the issue around Target and Best Buy. Some of you have decided that it's OK to support Target. You are entitled to your opinions and views. I would like you to understand my point of view. I would hope that you will read this and understand that this isn't about politics for me. This is about the simple fact that Target took money from their employees (albeit willingly) and donated it to a candidate. This candidate, regardless of his affiliation (he just happens to be Republican) donates money to a group of musicians who feel it's OK to advocate for the killing of gays and lesbians (is this what your God tells you is OK? Theirs apparently does). This candidate feels that it's OK to enshrine discrimination in the US Constitution. This isn't about conservative or liberal. This is about hate. There is a very real separation of Church and State in this country. That candidate has every right to believe what he does, just as you have every right to support him. All I ask is that you think about why you support him, and if you believe that all of his other views outweigh the right he thinks he has to discriminate against me. How would you feel if he decided that it was OK to outlaw religion in this country? Religion is a choice; you weren't born with a belief, were you? You were raised, or came to your beliefs through other means. What if this candidate felt it OK to donate money to the KKK or a white supremacy group? What if Target donated to Nancy Pelosi or Barbara Boxer, two people Conservatives call Ultra Super Liberal? Would you then feel like you do?
With all of the struggles and heartache we are going through as a country today is it really necessary to spend the millions of dollars on getting elected? Why not give back? Why not give to your community?
In closing dear friends let me say again that you, like me are entitled to your opinion. Think about the fact that some of your decisions affect me in a very real way. They affect the people I love, and in turn affect you.
After 18 years with the same person in a committed relationship why shouldn't I have the right to marry? Why shouldn't I have the right to the same protections? In a time of hate mongering and disingenuous rhetoric let's remember that we are one nation. There is room for all of us here. If we want fiscal and social responsibilities look for those that provide that. Don't listen to what Fox News or MSNBC or CNN tell you. Don't listen to the ads on TV. Do your research. Look at the whole picture. Think about the fact that I don't have what you do (at least some of you).
Monday, August 2, 2010
My Letter to Target CEO
Over the last week Target has been in the news, because the Target Corporation contributed $150,000 to Minnesota Forward, a political action committee that supports Minnesota Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer, an opponent of gay marriage and equal protection for all LGBT people. Your CEO came out and stated that this contribution was made because this candidate stood for creating new jobs. If that is what he believes, than he can donate this money out of his own pocket.
I fully understand Target's policies and support of the LGBT community, but when you get in the middle of politics and donate corporate money to a candidate your internal company policies become irrelevant. Your CEO's statement that this was about job creation sounds good on the surface, but look at where this money will go. Instead of taking this money and funneling it into a campaign that will spend it on TV adds, why not invest in the community around you? That $150,000 that will now go to the TV stations and into Advertising could have gone back to the community you want to help. How many small businesses could have used this money ? How many job’s could this have created, had it not gone to a Political Action Committee?
I can say that until something is done to change this policy I will stop shopping at Target stores. It's unfortunate, as your corporation does so much, but I can't allow my money to end up in the hands of politicians that spew hate and discrimination. I hope that this reaches someone who can do something about this issue.
Regards,
Rick M. Seymour
I fully understand Target's policies and support of the LGBT community, but when you get in the middle of politics and donate corporate money to a candidate your internal company policies become irrelevant. Your CEO's statement that this was about job creation sounds good on the surface, but look at where this money will go. Instead of taking this money and funneling it into a campaign that will spend it on TV adds, why not invest in the community around you? That $150,000 that will now go to the TV stations and into Advertising could have gone back to the community you want to help. How many small businesses could have used this money ? How many job’s could this have created, had it not gone to a Political Action Committee?
I can say that until something is done to change this policy I will stop shopping at Target stores. It's unfortunate, as your corporation does so much, but I can't allow my money to end up in the hands of politicians that spew hate and discrimination. I hope that this reaches someone who can do something about this issue.
Regards,
Rick M. Seymour
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Another year down…
Someone once told me to live each day as if it were my last. This is something that I should probably remember more often. This year has been one of tremendous ups and downs. This year was about change and growth. I turned 40 this year, and realized that it was just a number. Age is a state of mind and regardless of the number I feel good, and am grateful to have made it this far. I know that I have said this in the past, but every year is a gift. I never thought I would live to see 30, so the past ten years have been that gift that keeps on giving. I don’t know why I thought that, but it’s something that never occurred to me.
We experienced more loss this year with the passing of Jeffrey’s Grandmother. She meant so much to Jeffrey and the entire family. She and Jeffrey always had such amazing conversations (I can’t tell you the number of times he would get home at 2 in the morning having spent the entire day and evening in wonderful conversations). This was followed by a great deal of work around her home. The positive side to this (if there is one) is that we got to spend some great time with Jeffrey’s folks and siblings. They are amazing and I am blessed to have such wonderful in-laws.
In March I had surgery and for the first time in my life I was able to breathe out of my nose. No more snorting (the snoring is still there, but that will go…) no more gasping for breath and the amazing ability to breath as others breath. The first time this hit me was that first day back to lifting weights. I took a deep breath in through my nose and it was amazing.
Just after my surgery I was moved into a new position with a new manager. At the same time we ran through a major conversion (as a part of the CW to BAC transition) that was a huge success. As a result of this major project I made some wonderful friends and accomplished something major. My new job proved to be a greater challenge then I anticipated. I lost my two employees (they moved up and into new positions) and had to now support the team that I was a part of… It is still a challenge to this day, but I know that I will continue to grow and gain more knowledge and experience as a result of these challenges.
Over Labor Day weekend I met up with the family in Las Vegas to unveil my Grandmothers tomb stone (Jewish tradition). It was wonderful to spend time with my Brother and parents and enjoyed seeing the cousins again. Another plus was the ability to meet up with Jeffrey’s Sister and her husband for breakfast. Everyone is so scattered that we don’t see each other enough. I hope this coming year will rectify that one… It was a wonderful celebration of my Grandmother and I realized that I miss her often. I am blessed to have had the almost 40 years I had with her.
Immediately following my return Jeffrey went in for Kidney surgery. This was probably one of the most stressful and terrifying times in my life. If you have ever had a spouse or partner go through something this major then you know what I mean. I am forever grateful for our wonderful friend Mika who stayed with me and made sure that I was OK. She hugged me when I cried tears of joy that he was OK, and just was there for both of us. We are lucky in our lives to have added the entire McDonald clan to our family. They are amazing, loving people who we are forever grateful for. God gives you your parents and siblings, but you get to pick the people that extend that family. We could not have asked for more amazing family then the McDonalds (that includes the Gustafson’s too)…
Needless to say Jeffrey pulled out of it well and I made it through a couple more major work transition initiatives (there are more in 2010). In November we celebrated my Best Friend’s wedding. It was a wonderful weekend and I don’t know the words to express the joy I felt that I was privileged enough to stand up there with her, as she married the man of her dreams (and sometimes nightmares… ) These are two people that love each other unconditionally and I only wish that everyone could find that person that loves them even in the craziness. Jeffrey and I celebrated our seventeenth anniversary the following weekend. It’s difficult to express the gratitude, love and amazement that I found someone to share my life with. So many people look for that person, and 17+ years ago he appeared in my life, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. We laugh everyday, and we hold each other when we are sad, or just had a rough day. I continue to look forward to the years ahead with this amazing man. After our anniversary it was off to Palm Springs for Thanksgiving. What an amazing time we had. Again we spent this holiday with the McDonald’s and love them all so much.
As the year comes to a close we had a couple of other things happen. Jeffrey celebrated another Birthday. I surprised him this year with a party. He had friends from High School all the way to our wonderful new yoga friends. Oh yeah, we discovered Yoga this past March thanks to our friends Robb and David. They came into town for a short visit and connected us to an amazing and wonderful couple Anna and Heather. Anna is a wonderful Yoga instructor and we look forward to our Monday night classes with her, as well as our ever growing friendship. For Christmas this year we purchased a new car (this one is the most exciting), and Jeffrey went through one more surgery. He just came out of it this afternoon and is home resting. He is amazing with this stuff. With 2010 fast approaching there are so many things to be grateful for.
This year involved a great deal of closure, many lessons and lots of growth. This year saw us saying goodbye to loved ones, and hello to new friends. We reconnected with people and watched as our circle grew.
I look forward to 2010 and know that it will be another year of growth and change. It will take us to Arizona and beyond. As we continue down this path and trudging this road to happy destiny I remember the mistakes of this past year, but only to learn from them. I remember the pain, but mostly I remember the love of my family and friends. I remember the continued reconnection of the people from my past, and sit here in awe of their accomplishments. I relish in the joy that everyone brings into my life, whether we see each other often, or haven’t seen each other in years. We are connected one way or another.
Remember everyday to try to be kind to God’s children, for through our kindness maybe we will find peace.
We experienced more loss this year with the passing of Jeffrey’s Grandmother. She meant so much to Jeffrey and the entire family. She and Jeffrey always had such amazing conversations (I can’t tell you the number of times he would get home at 2 in the morning having spent the entire day and evening in wonderful conversations). This was followed by a great deal of work around her home. The positive side to this (if there is one) is that we got to spend some great time with Jeffrey’s folks and siblings. They are amazing and I am blessed to have such wonderful in-laws.
In March I had surgery and for the first time in my life I was able to breathe out of my nose. No more snorting (the snoring is still there, but that will go…) no more gasping for breath and the amazing ability to breath as others breath. The first time this hit me was that first day back to lifting weights. I took a deep breath in through my nose and it was amazing.
Just after my surgery I was moved into a new position with a new manager. At the same time we ran through a major conversion (as a part of the CW to BAC transition) that was a huge success. As a result of this major project I made some wonderful friends and accomplished something major. My new job proved to be a greater challenge then I anticipated. I lost my two employees (they moved up and into new positions) and had to now support the team that I was a part of… It is still a challenge to this day, but I know that I will continue to grow and gain more knowledge and experience as a result of these challenges.
Over Labor Day weekend I met up with the family in Las Vegas to unveil my Grandmothers tomb stone (Jewish tradition). It was wonderful to spend time with my Brother and parents and enjoyed seeing the cousins again. Another plus was the ability to meet up with Jeffrey’s Sister and her husband for breakfast. Everyone is so scattered that we don’t see each other enough. I hope this coming year will rectify that one… It was a wonderful celebration of my Grandmother and I realized that I miss her often. I am blessed to have had the almost 40 years I had with her.
Immediately following my return Jeffrey went in for Kidney surgery. This was probably one of the most stressful and terrifying times in my life. If you have ever had a spouse or partner go through something this major then you know what I mean. I am forever grateful for our wonderful friend Mika who stayed with me and made sure that I was OK. She hugged me when I cried tears of joy that he was OK, and just was there for both of us. We are lucky in our lives to have added the entire McDonald clan to our family. They are amazing, loving people who we are forever grateful for. God gives you your parents and siblings, but you get to pick the people that extend that family. We could not have asked for more amazing family then the McDonalds (that includes the Gustafson’s too)…
Needless to say Jeffrey pulled out of it well and I made it through a couple more major work transition initiatives (there are more in 2010). In November we celebrated my Best Friend’s wedding. It was a wonderful weekend and I don’t know the words to express the joy I felt that I was privileged enough to stand up there with her, as she married the man of her dreams (and sometimes nightmares… ) These are two people that love each other unconditionally and I only wish that everyone could find that person that loves them even in the craziness. Jeffrey and I celebrated our seventeenth anniversary the following weekend. It’s difficult to express the gratitude, love and amazement that I found someone to share my life with. So many people look for that person, and 17+ years ago he appeared in my life, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. We laugh everyday, and we hold each other when we are sad, or just had a rough day. I continue to look forward to the years ahead with this amazing man. After our anniversary it was off to Palm Springs for Thanksgiving. What an amazing time we had. Again we spent this holiday with the McDonald’s and love them all so much.
As the year comes to a close we had a couple of other things happen. Jeffrey celebrated another Birthday. I surprised him this year with a party. He had friends from High School all the way to our wonderful new yoga friends. Oh yeah, we discovered Yoga this past March thanks to our friends Robb and David. They came into town for a short visit and connected us to an amazing and wonderful couple Anna and Heather. Anna is a wonderful Yoga instructor and we look forward to our Monday night classes with her, as well as our ever growing friendship. For Christmas this year we purchased a new car (this one is the most exciting), and Jeffrey went through one more surgery. He just came out of it this afternoon and is home resting. He is amazing with this stuff. With 2010 fast approaching there are so many things to be grateful for.
This year involved a great deal of closure, many lessons and lots of growth. This year saw us saying goodbye to loved ones, and hello to new friends. We reconnected with people and watched as our circle grew.
I look forward to 2010 and know that it will be another year of growth and change. It will take us to Arizona and beyond. As we continue down this path and trudging this road to happy destiny I remember the mistakes of this past year, but only to learn from them. I remember the pain, but mostly I remember the love of my family and friends. I remember the continued reconnection of the people from my past, and sit here in awe of their accomplishments. I relish in the joy that everyone brings into my life, whether we see each other often, or haven’t seen each other in years. We are connected one way or another.
Remember everyday to try to be kind to God’s children, for through our kindness maybe we will find peace.
Friday, January 23, 2009
A new year, a new decade and new opportunities
Now that we are almost one month into the new year, eleven days into my Forties and three days under a new leader I thought I had enough to BLOG about. The past year had it's up and it's downs. My Grandfather used to say that life was like a heart monitor if it's flat you are dead. Jeffrey and I took our first vacation in five years in April. We spent a few days with our wonderful friends Robb and David in Washington D.C. We had an amazing time, saw the sites and spent a good deal of time just hanging out with them. We took the train to New York and saw three fantastic shows. It was a great time. As of July 1 my company was purchased by Bank of America and since then I have been working on my regular stuff, but am running a couple of transition projects to ensure that my business doesn't stop as a result of the transition to the new company. I still don't know what job I will have when all is said and done, but believe that I will land somewhere!
In October, while attending the High Level Design session on my projects my Grandmother was struck ill and passed away within two days. It was sudden and a tragic loss to me and my family. She was a vibrant woman full of life. We found after her passing that she belonged to three gyms. The big muscle guys at Gold's knew her and were said when they learned she had died. The funeral was amazing, and now we are learning about life without this wonderful woman.
This last year I discovered while visiting with my Brother and his family that Myspace wasn't where it was at, but it was Facebook. As a result I have reconnected with people I haven't seen or spoken to since High School. I realized over the last few weeks that the various stages of my life have collided. After High School I became more active in DeMolay. So active, that I was elected League President. The problem was that during my short time as League President I came out and started drinking. Rather then facing these people, who showed nothing by love and friendship I ran away. A couple of years later I got sober and found a whole new group of friends. These people changed my life, and I like to think that it was the foundation I laid with them (along with my daily prayer and meditation) has kept me sober for more then 18 years. I also met Jeffrey after my second year of sobriety, and we celebrated our sixteenth anniversary last November. He deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long! :)
I have learned over the last ten years to just be myself. What you see is what you get. I don't hide who I am and am open to all (sometimes to my determent). I have amazing people in my life today and am so grateful for all of these gifts. Now through the wonders of modern technology I have reconnected with so many people who new me at different parts of my life. People who I thought about often, but didn't know how to find. It shows me what Jeffrey always said, just because you don't see or speak to someone doesn't mean that you aren't close, or can't reconnect. He's a wise man.
As we go forward into 2009 I continue to be amazed at the lives that my long time friends have built for themselves. I am grateful for the amazing people I have in my life, and cherish them everyday. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn. Most importantly I am grateful for the amazing man I found to spend my life with. I am truly blessed.
In October, while attending the High Level Design session on my projects my Grandmother was struck ill and passed away within two days. It was sudden and a tragic loss to me and my family. She was a vibrant woman full of life. We found after her passing that she belonged to three gyms. The big muscle guys at Gold's knew her and were said when they learned she had died. The funeral was amazing, and now we are learning about life without this wonderful woman.
This last year I discovered while visiting with my Brother and his family that Myspace wasn't where it was at, but it was Facebook. As a result I have reconnected with people I haven't seen or spoken to since High School. I realized over the last few weeks that the various stages of my life have collided. After High School I became more active in DeMolay. So active, that I was elected League President. The problem was that during my short time as League President I came out and started drinking. Rather then facing these people, who showed nothing by love and friendship I ran away. A couple of years later I got sober and found a whole new group of friends. These people changed my life, and I like to think that it was the foundation I laid with them (along with my daily prayer and meditation) has kept me sober for more then 18 years. I also met Jeffrey after my second year of sobriety, and we celebrated our sixteenth anniversary last November. He deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long! :)
I have learned over the last ten years to just be myself. What you see is what you get. I don't hide who I am and am open to all (sometimes to my determent). I have amazing people in my life today and am so grateful for all of these gifts. Now through the wonders of modern technology I have reconnected with so many people who new me at different parts of my life. People who I thought about often, but didn't know how to find. It shows me what Jeffrey always said, just because you don't see or speak to someone doesn't mean that you aren't close, or can't reconnect. He's a wise man.
As we go forward into 2009 I continue to be amazed at the lives that my long time friends have built for themselves. I am grateful for the amazing people I have in my life, and cherish them everyday. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn. Most importantly I am grateful for the amazing man I found to spend my life with. I am truly blessed.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A letter from my friend Steve to his Parents and the Mormon Church
Dear Father, Mother and the Elders of my former Church,
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined a coalition which has not just supported, but actually filed a brief with the California Supreme Court defending the established definition of marriage as the union between a man and a woman. *(Source:1). First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sent a letter to Church leaders in California to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008: In the letter the Church states its intention to participate with the coalition to see that California Proposition 8 passes. They fail to mention the church is not just supporting but part of the coalition and that the legislation they are supporting was drafted and submitted by the coalition. The letter then directs Local Church leaders to provide political propaganda and how to get the Church members involved in passing their legislation. “We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.” *(Souce:5)
I do not mind if the Church does not wish to condone Gay’s within their organization although I am astonished that they would participate in suppressing other groups and religions the right and dignity of marriage. It is a sad day when “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” violates their own teachings and joins with other organizations to initiate legislation that promotes intolerance, separatism, bigotry and the oppression of one group over another. As a Baptized Mormon I am a little uncomfortable telling you that I am ashamed of the Mormon Church and that its members including my extended family; would participate in and condone this type of behavior as acceptable.
Elder Wickman and others from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in conjunction with the Church’s Public Affairs staff have confirmed the Church’s stand by filing a brief to the California Supreme Court as well as their Coalition to defeat bills and other propositions that were in support of Gay Marriage. “ELDER WICKMAN: One way to think of marriage is as a bundle of rights associated with what it means for two people to be married. What the First Presidency has done is express its support of marriage and for that bundle of rights belonging to a man and a woman. “ *(Source:2) They even comment as to their role and intent on formally changing the Constitution of the United States… clearly defining this a Political Concern.
It should be noted that there are mainstream churches that do marry gay men and the actions being taken by the Mormon Church and others will tread upon those religion’s beliefs and its rights under the law. This is a direct violation of the churches foundational rules and principles set forth on August 17, 1835 within section 134 paragraph 9 of ‘The Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints’. “We do not believe it just to amingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.” *(Source:3).
“
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” is out to protect their future image by sowing the seeds of intolerance and bigotry into our laws thus stifling tolerance within the United States. Elder David A. Bednar a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expresses one of the reasons the church is getting involved is a fear of future public opinions should Gays be granted civil rights. Specifically he references fear of fines or sanctions against the church should some future action be brought against the church should its views on Gays fail to remain popular with society. *(Source:4). You could say the church learned their lesson when African Americans gained civil liberties. The only difference between now and when the church would not accept African Americans; is that the church is out to change laws to reinforce today’s bigotry so they will not have to live through a time when society once again may become more tolerant than the church itself. Can you imagine the difficulty in converting new members including those in non Caucasian countries when society knew the church was racist and actively discriminating and not allowing African Americans to hold the priesthood? Now the Mormon Church is telling members that it’s ok to encourage the Government to with-hold marriage from Gays, because some states created a compromise called a ‘Civil Union’ which has the same rights as being married without letting them marry. Tell me how that is any different than when the government told Blacks they cannot drink from the White drinking fountain, that there was an equal but separate drinking fountain for them. Similar but separate laws for any specific group over another only serve to rob our fellow brothers and citizens of dignity and respect. At the cost of reinforcing bigoted, discriminatory, intolerant and separatist feelings within our society.
The psychological influence a religious organization / church has over its members is quite significant. Statements by the Church are often acted upon by its members as though God himself commanded it. I do not know about you but I refuse to believe that bigotry and intolerance is a trait God would practice or wish to be made into Law. These laws are flat out discriminatory. Making it unlawful for another church to marry two men. The audacity and self-righteousness of it. Any organization that perpetuates self supremacy and the superiority of their thoughts and beliefs at the expense of another’s, are no better than the Nazi’s were prior to the rise of Hitler. Do you think Germans had this deep unsatisfied desire to commit genocide and kill all the Gay and Jewish people they could possibly shove into ovens? Of course not. They were merely raised within a self-righteous society that promoted suppressing other groups and religions, a society where separatism and bigotry was considered righteous and just. Intolerance paves the way for people like Hitler to justify radical supremacist ideals by capitalizing on the intolerance while promoting hate and bigotry towards that group as a means to overcome anything and everything wrong with the world.
I was raised Christian and taught love and respect for others. I find these actions to be specifically un-Christian and damaging to God’s name and works. Actions like these are those that cause people to lose faith. I feel in these actions by the Mormon Church reinforce a thought process and behavior that represents the worst of mankind. Something I thought was on the verge of becoming an historical reference as something overcome during the spiritual growth of mankind.
I do not mind if you are Mormon. I do not mind if the Mormon Church does not wish to allow Gays to hold the priesthood, nor to join their family in heaven. Although I do not want there to be any confusion in the fact that your tithing is profiting a church that supports intolerant and separatist coalitions which are determined to prevent civil liberties for those who are unlike them. I am hurt to admit I find this to be a hateful act on behalf of my families loved and trusted religion “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”.
Sincerely,
Steve Kelly
Resources:
*Source:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/church-joins-other-faith-groups-in-defense-of-traditional-marriage
*Source:2 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/same-gender-attraction)
*Source:3 (http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/134)
*Source:4 (http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/media/mediaplayer.swf?media=http://broadcast.lds.org/newsroom/video/flv/bednar_edit02_150k.flv&type=FLV)
*Source:5 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/california-and-same-sex-marriage).
Notes:
1.) Anti-Gay Civil Liberties Coalition Members: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined with the California Catholic Conference, the National Association of Evangelicals, and the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of American” *(source:1)
2.) Additional Un-sited Information regarding the LDS church and Same Sex Marriage, including Proposition 8. Reference:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/same-sex-marriage-and-proposition-8).
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined a coalition which has not just supported, but actually filed a brief with the California Supreme Court defending the established definition of marriage as the union between a man and a woman. *(Source:1). First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sent a letter to Church leaders in California to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008: In the letter the Church states its intention to participate with the coalition to see that California Proposition 8 passes. They fail to mention the church is not just supporting but part of the coalition and that the legislation they are supporting was drafted and submitted by the coalition. The letter then directs Local Church leaders to provide political propaganda and how to get the Church members involved in passing their legislation. “We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.” *(Souce:5)
I do not mind if the Church does not wish to condone Gay’s within their organization although I am astonished that they would participate in suppressing other groups and religions the right and dignity of marriage. It is a sad day when “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” violates their own teachings and joins with other organizations to initiate legislation that promotes intolerance, separatism, bigotry and the oppression of one group over another. As a Baptized Mormon I am a little uncomfortable telling you that I am ashamed of the Mormon Church and that its members including my extended family; would participate in and condone this type of behavior as acceptable.
Elder Wickman and others from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in conjunction with the Church’s Public Affairs staff have confirmed the Church’s stand by filing a brief to the California Supreme Court as well as their Coalition to defeat bills and other propositions that were in support of Gay Marriage. “ELDER WICKMAN: One way to think of marriage is as a bundle of rights associated with what it means for two people to be married. What the First Presidency has done is express its support of marriage and for that bundle of rights belonging to a man and a woman. “ *(Source:2) They even comment as to their role and intent on formally changing the Constitution of the United States… clearly defining this a Political Concern.
It should be noted that there are mainstream churches that do marry gay men and the actions being taken by the Mormon Church and others will tread upon those religion’s beliefs and its rights under the law. This is a direct violation of the churches foundational rules and principles set forth on August 17, 1835 within section 134 paragraph 9 of ‘The Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints’. “We do not believe it just to amingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.” *(Source:3).
“
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” is out to protect their future image by sowing the seeds of intolerance and bigotry into our laws thus stifling tolerance within the United States. Elder David A. Bednar a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expresses one of the reasons the church is getting involved is a fear of future public opinions should Gays be granted civil rights. Specifically he references fear of fines or sanctions against the church should some future action be brought against the church should its views on Gays fail to remain popular with society. *(Source:4). You could say the church learned their lesson when African Americans gained civil liberties. The only difference between now and when the church would not accept African Americans; is that the church is out to change laws to reinforce today’s bigotry so they will not have to live through a time when society once again may become more tolerant than the church itself. Can you imagine the difficulty in converting new members including those in non Caucasian countries when society knew the church was racist and actively discriminating and not allowing African Americans to hold the priesthood? Now the Mormon Church is telling members that it’s ok to encourage the Government to with-hold marriage from Gays, because some states created a compromise called a ‘Civil Union’ which has the same rights as being married without letting them marry. Tell me how that is any different than when the government told Blacks they cannot drink from the White drinking fountain, that there was an equal but separate drinking fountain for them. Similar but separate laws for any specific group over another only serve to rob our fellow brothers and citizens of dignity and respect. At the cost of reinforcing bigoted, discriminatory, intolerant and separatist feelings within our society.
The psychological influence a religious organization / church has over its members is quite significant. Statements by the Church are often acted upon by its members as though God himself commanded it. I do not know about you but I refuse to believe that bigotry and intolerance is a trait God would practice or wish to be made into Law. These laws are flat out discriminatory. Making it unlawful for another church to marry two men. The audacity and self-righteousness of it. Any organization that perpetuates self supremacy and the superiority of their thoughts and beliefs at the expense of another’s, are no better than the Nazi’s were prior to the rise of Hitler. Do you think Germans had this deep unsatisfied desire to commit genocide and kill all the Gay and Jewish people they could possibly shove into ovens? Of course not. They were merely raised within a self-righteous society that promoted suppressing other groups and religions, a society where separatism and bigotry was considered righteous and just. Intolerance paves the way for people like Hitler to justify radical supremacist ideals by capitalizing on the intolerance while promoting hate and bigotry towards that group as a means to overcome anything and everything wrong with the world.
I was raised Christian and taught love and respect for others. I find these actions to be specifically un-Christian and damaging to God’s name and works. Actions like these are those that cause people to lose faith. I feel in these actions by the Mormon Church reinforce a thought process and behavior that represents the worst of mankind. Something I thought was on the verge of becoming an historical reference as something overcome during the spiritual growth of mankind.
I do not mind if you are Mormon. I do not mind if the Mormon Church does not wish to allow Gays to hold the priesthood, nor to join their family in heaven. Although I do not want there to be any confusion in the fact that your tithing is profiting a church that supports intolerant and separatist coalitions which are determined to prevent civil liberties for those who are unlike them. I am hurt to admit I find this to be a hateful act on behalf of my families loved and trusted religion “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”.
Sincerely,
Steve Kelly
Resources:
*Source:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/church-joins-other-faith-groups-in-defense-of-traditional-marriage
*Source:2 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/same-gender-attraction)
*Source:3 (http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/134)
*Source:4 (http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/media/mediaplayer.swf?media=http://broadcast.lds.org/newsroom/video/flv/bednar_edit02_150k.flv&type=FLV)
*Source:5 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/california-and-same-sex-marriage).
Notes:
1.) Anti-Gay Civil Liberties Coalition Members: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has joined with the California Catholic Conference, the National Association of Evangelicals, and the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of American” *(source:1)
2.) Additional Un-sited Information regarding the LDS church and Same Sex Marriage, including Proposition 8. Reference:1 (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/same-sex-marriage-and-proposition-8).
Saturday, November 8, 2008
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